Maybe early aughts fictional characters could get results while being delicate, but not me. My clit requires significant pressure, thus my masturbation style involves trading aesthetics for thrash—it’s the bedroom equivalent of a monster truck rally. Though I own plenty of sex toys (another brag?), I have little patience for charging them, so a typical mastur-date with my hand goes like this: Step One: Flip onto stomach. Step Two: Tuck arms under body. Step Three: Smoosh face into pillow. Step Four: Attack. If that doesn’t paint the picture, search “Undulating Monk Seal” on YouTube—you’ll get
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