Here's to Us (What If It's Us #2)

by Becky Albertalli

There’s no start space. There’s no first page to this story. I don’t even know how to tell it. All I know is he’s gone. I deserve it. I’m relieved. And I miss him. And I want to tell Ben, so he can touch my face and kiss me and say he’s loved me all along. Except he won’t, because he hasn’t, and me breaking Mikey’s heart won’t change the fact that Ben’s breaking mine all over again.

But the black box isn’t the problem. I’m the problem. Because my brain won’t shut up about the boy I’m not in love with.

I remember how his mouth twitched every time he got a question right. Has there ever been anything as beautiful as Ben Alejo’s face when he’s proud of knowing something?

“Ben Alejo, I love you. I’d never do this without you. I mean, I had to do it without you, but I couldn’t do it without you.”

“It’s your life to live, Alejo,” Mario says, resting his hands on my shoulders. “Just make sure you’re living it for yourself and not anyone else.”

I wonder how many love stories end like this—with an ambiguously long hug and a million things left unsaid.

Because for me, it’s always you. You’re the point of every story.

“You’re the writer, Ben. If you could write your perfect ending, what would it be?”

But I’m done rewriting how I feel because I’m scared of getting hurt again.

“Ben, I want to fall asleep next to you and start every day with you. I want infinite do-overs.