The Red Palace

by June Hur

“Friendship is born at the moment when one … says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…” —C. S. Lewis

I had stepped into a world that seemed to be hiding terrible secrets from me.

I would not love, unless I was loved first and loved the most. I would be nothing at all, if I could not be first.

I still tried to memorize those texts whenever I had spare time, to fill my mind with the knowledge that filled theirs, to be as like them as I possibly could.

I could not wait for love and acknowledgment to come embrace me. I had to go find it myself, to earn it through hard work.

“It seems there is always someone in the family determined to drive us mad.”

“The shape of who you are is an image of heaven and earth,”

Lies are the only defenses the lowly have against the powerful.

But the truth was not simple at all.

Surely he wants to find the real killer as badly as you do. He is a police officer.” Eojin shook his head, his expression taut. “If the royal family is involved, he will make sure to bury this case.” “How can you be so sure?” He replied with one word: “History.”

“We must remember the past as a warning.”

It is an unspoken rule that the police do not go against the order of things, especially not over the death of a few lowborn women.

“We are women,” she continued, “and nothing short of death stops us from doing precisely what we wish to do. That is what the laws and restrictions binding our lives breed: determination and cunning. The likes of you will not obey me. You will tell me that you intend to be as still as a rock, and yet I know you will dart from shadow to shadow like a fish.”

“Who was that handsome young man, agasshi?” she asked, eyes gleaming. “Your sweetheart?” “It’s not what you think, ajumma,” I mumbled. “And that is how every love story begins.” She chuckled.

Perhaps I had hated him a little, resenting him for the privilege he’d been born into, born as a boy. To be a boy opened doors that would never open for me,

I still loved her. She was still my mother, and I hoped to one day be enough.

Everyone must choose the paths they will walk. And when you choose, remember to count the cost. Do not live with regrets.”

Sometimes—oftentimes—we cannot do both what is right and also please those around us.”

It is those you love that make a wretched life worth living.”

A truth so crisp and clarifying, it was like having spent days with fog in my eyes, only to finally rub it out for the barest moment to truly see. And I wanted to see more.

“When the time comes,” he said quietly, holding my gaze the way he held my hand. “You watch out for me. And I will always watch out for you.”

everything we hold dear can be taken from us, except for one thing: the lessons learned.

“Revenge begets revenge; the anger is unquenchable. We become the monsters we are trying to punish. Justice, however, brings closure, and that is what I want. It can only be achieved by remaining sober-minded and rational.

All I can do is find enough evidence to make the truth undeniable.”

But if it is to harm another, in exchange for your life, I’m sure you wouldn’t think twice in hurting others.” She clucked her tongue. “Perhaps you all should reconsider your professions as uinyeos. How could any of you call yourself a protector of lives when all you are is a puppet?”

It seemed monsters still bled. Killers still had hearts, if only for a particular few.

I wanted to love and be loved. I wanted to be known. I wanted to be understood and accepted.

dreams of what that might feel like—to be cherished, like in the love stories in Jieun’s personal library.

I was not so desperate and foolish as to want anything more. I had his friendship. It was enough. It had to be enough.

I would never be anyone’s Greatest Love. I would always be a stolen kiss, a fleeting moment—a mistake.

“The more urgent a circumstance,” I said quietly, repeating Nurse Jeongsu’s words, “the calmer we must be.”

“You are most irritating,” he said when I caught up with him. “Irritating because I am right, nauri?” I asked, sliding in a note of politeness. “Yes.” A reluctant half smile.

sometimes too much mercy is as detrimental as too little.”

Some dreams, I’d learned, were meant to fade away. And to let go of them didn’t mean to let go of myself, but to release the life I’d imagined I wanted.

that was my greatest nightmare—that Eojin would stay and find out that I was not enough.

For those who want a more extensive account of Prince Sado’s life, I highly recommend the book Memoirs of Lady Hyegyoung.

we’ve endured too much to be afraid.”