Sink or Swim (RELIC #2)

by Maz Maddox

A man could stroll into my life with red flags sprouting out of his head and a neon sign over him announcing to the world he was a bad idea. But as soon as he put on a good suit, I was melted butter in his hands.

Baha finished his drink and said in a completely serious tone, “I’m a proctologist.” The mouthful of whiskey I had in my mouth came out my nose, which burned like hell fire.

Normally, I would have prodded that it was rude to ignore an offer of getting one’s dick licked by a prehistoric beast, but the state the poor man was in tugged on my heartstrings. There’d be time to mess with him later.

I heard a beautiful sound to my left, a chuckle bubbling up from the depths of Baha’s chest. I wanted to marvel in how rare of a sound it must have been, but I had to maintain my calm, cowboy swagger. Cowboys didn’t tend to swoon in public. It’s a code.

Hell, I swooned. I swooned so goddamn hard, I may have actually manifested cartoon hearts floating out of my eyeballs.

The key was to double back, stay low, and get lost in the crowds. Hard to do when you’re a tall, handsome cowboy and an angry slab of sexy meat.

I didn’t even want to eat him. I wanted to impress him. I lifted my chin and hissed, flexing my tail and turned to show him my sail. I was strong, mighty. I would protect the nest and bring food. I would kill anything that came close to us. He had to see that I was a good mate.

One of the very first things I learned as a human years ago was that size doesn’t always necessarily matter when it comes to scaring people. A great example is the modern cousins of my theropod friends, especially the mighty goose. These small, fourteen-pound balls of death could scare away a full-grown man in most situations. So I channeled that energy as I came to Baha’s rescue.

With a mighty and mildly embarrassing noise, I squawk-honked towards them and shuffled forward like a pissed-off Canada Goose. It wasn’t the most graceful thing I’d ever done, and it had been millions of years since I had to pull that level of bluffing. But it worked. My Ode to Modern Theropods dance sent the gunmen screaming and running for cover.

Goose pterosaur one. Humans zero.

Poor Jonas Martin was lost at sea after a terrible accident.” Jackson shook his head in mock sadness. “Shame, really.” “Shame,” I echoed flatly. “Fucker gave me indigestion.” “That’s so dark,” he said around a laugh,

“I like you, you grumpy bastard. I really like you. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m home. I ain’t never felt that way about anyone. Not once.”