The Shelf

by Helly Acton

Your purpose isn’t to reproduce – it’s to be happy, whatever shape or form that takes.’

‘Would your friends describe you that way?’

What happened was that she hit thirty and found The Fear. The fear of not finding The One. And if she didn’t want to die alone, she’d have to accept unacceptable behaviour.

When did Jamie make you feel happy in your relationship? When did Jamie make you feel unhappy in your relationship? Name what you need to feel happy in a relationship. Amy

‘you’re teaching us how to react to situations, instead of teaching men not to be complete shitheads and cause those situations. Seems like the wrong way round, doesn’t it?’ The

I want someone who makes me feel that my life is richer with them in it, and that I in turn enrich theirs.

‘you are gonna find someone who makes an effort for you every day.

The idea of going back to my old life is much scarier. That comment in particular struck a chord. Being single isn’t scary. What’s scary is being stuck with someone who will make you miserable for the rest of your life.

I’ve come to realise the importance of listening to that quiet inner voice when it whispers that something’s not right – not shutting it down in a desperate attempt to find love. To trust my instincts when they tell me he won’t make me happy. From

If they can’t have an argument without storming off.

If someone knows me and dislikes me, that’s fair. If someone doesn’t know me and dislikes me, that’s unfair.’

I’m not scared of being single anymore, I’m excited. I keep on smiling inside when I remember that I’m completely free to do what I like, go where I want, say how I feel and be who I want to be. Once I get out of here, obviously. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted and all that pressure has gone. I don’t know why I was so afraid of being single before.’

The pressure of caring about someone else’s happiness. I don’t have to worry if Jamie is OK anymore – all I have to worry about is whether I’m OK. And the pressure that comes when you’re in a long-term relationship. I don’t have to worry what people think or make excuses about why we aren’t engaged yet. The pressure of having to share your time with someone, so you have less of your own. Now my time is all mine. I’m going to do anything and everything. Find out what makes me really happy. Who I am and who I want to be. Maybe the love of my life isn’t a man – maybe it’s a secret beach in Asia somewhere. Or maybe it’s my writing. Or maybe it’s me, as self-centred as that sounds.’

I’m delighted you no longer fear being single, but you also shouldn’t fear being in a relationship. Or think that you have to be single to achieve your goals. The right person should help you fulfil those dreams, not cause you to abandon them.’ ‘I think I need to figure out what those are first.

The earlier you confront someone in a relationship over a matter that makes you profoundly unhappy, the sooner you can find out whether they’re right for you. If they break up with you over it, they weren’t right for you and you can feel happy you don’t have to waste any more time on them. Now,