The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up: A Memoir

by Evanna Lynch

darkness is not infinite, that you do actually get to the other side of it, but first you have to submerge yourself in it.

here is somebody who will not judge herself. She is not silly, it turns out. She is not ditzy or oblivious. She is deep and wise. Inalterable. She possesses this rare, wonderful and yet simple quality of total self-acceptance.

It’s not that all fans are trying to fill a void; it’s quite possible to be a fan of someone, to admire them and follow their work, while remaining an empowered, self-possessed, dignified individual. But when you are young, insecure and lack a distinct sense of self, I think that’s when admiration for another – typically someone far away and who is mythically aspirational, someone who it is socially acceptable to worship – can quickly balloon into obsession. I think it’s quite rare to meet an obsessive fan who doesn’t have a deep-seated inferiority complex. I see this relationship as dysfunctional, but I don’t see it as unacceptable. It has its place and purpose in life: loving someone else can keep you alive at times when it’s impossible to love yourself. And sometimes, in loving someone else, you become a better version of yourself, someone who you still may not love, but might, to a certain extent, come to like.

when something or someone else captivates you to the point of distraction, it is because they are reflecting something within you that is longing to be expressed. There’s something about them that is calling forth an undiscovered part of you.