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May 2 - May 10, 2023
There’s no room for me, not when society has already decided who and what I should be. A daughter. A woman. A wife-in-training. Quiet. Demure. Chaste.
Perhaps that’s why I choose to disappear into books. It’s a place where I can feel seen for who I am and everything I’ve been through. Where I’m not judged for the things I’ve done or the messes I’ve made.
“Do you find all humans to be as hideous as you assume yourself to be? If so, you must think I am ugly as well.” His gaze roves my body from head to toe. “Why wouldn’t I?” A blush of heat rises up my neck. “I’m almost of a mind to be offended.” “Waste no emotion on me, human. I’ll waste none on you, I can tell you that much.”
Kill me if you want, but if this curse is meant to claim your life at the end of your sentence, then I’ll see you in hell in three months’ time.”
Books give me experiences I shouldn’t have, emotions that aren’t my own. They spell out words that manage to draw tears from my eyes, twist my heart, even though nothing is physically happening to me. It’s a human sorcery I don’t care to mess with.”
“Experiencing pain that is not your own. Feeling joy and love and a happy ending that’s over as soon as you close the book. Is it worth it? Or does it only make reality colder when you’re forced to return to it? Would it not be better to feel nothing at all?”
“Yes, it’s worth it. To feel nothing is not a life worth living. Yes, it hurts to return to the mundane after being swept away in a beautiful fantasy, but at least for a time, that fantasy was mine. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t real, nor could ever be.”
“Why do you always smell like mountain air and snow? Like everything I love?”
“It’s okay to be tired,” she says. “But don’t give up. Don’t let the spark die out. It’s who you are.”
His mouth moves to the side of my face where he whispers what has become our deepest expression of adoration. “You make me feel the way books do.”

