On one hand there is the pull of autonomy: “I am my own; only I can define myself; it doesn’t matter how other people see me, only how I see myself.” But on the other hand, there is the pull for recognition that is inherently a part of identity: “People must acknowledge me for who I am and see me how I desire to be seen.” A teenager listens to music that reflects and expresses her personality to other people, even though the lyrics are explicitly about rejecting the judgments and opinions of other people. A middle-aged man wears a shirt that reads, “Only God can judge me,” but clearly wants
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