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Partially out of gratitude and partially out of spite, Hugh used a levitation cantrip to lower his weight down to almost nothing, but that had led to even greater indignities, with his friends gently tossing him around like a ball.
“Wars are won and lost on morale, not by simply killing all your enemies,” another Librarian said. “If you’re there, it will do wonders for Skyhold’s morale.” The sphinx snorted loudly at that. “Killing all my enemies has worked for me often enough in the past.”
Kanderon sighed heavily. “I think we need to have a long conversation soon, and I think you need to make more of an effort to inform me when you prove laws of magic incorrect, Loarna.”
Hugh thought about trying to explain, but he had no idea how to pantomime Mackerel’s conviction that pinecones defied the laws of reality, and that they needed to be gathered together and quarantined to protect them all.
Mackerel thought of pinecones. It was hard to interpret the garbled images he sent Hugh about pinecones. They seemed to short-circuit the way the spellbook perceived the universe. Mackerel was definitely more concerned with the cosmic threat of pinecones than with any question of gender, though.
“I need to focus, and you’re too distracting,” Talia said. “Go be pretty and caring somewhere else.”
“Ah feel like everythin’s movin’ faster and faster, and ah don’t have any control anymore.” Artur gave him a sideways glance. “Welcome ta’ adulthood.”
“They have cabbage mages, Artur!” Alustin said. “Six of them! Well, three cabbage mages, two mustard mages, and a kale mage, but they’re all the same plant, really.
“No sane person would ever want to live in a giant cabbage or write on cabbage paper.”
“I’m entirely too amazing and dangerous to feel any need for jealousy,” Talia said.
“Siege preparations,” Alustin said, unprompted. “Pickled foods keep especially well, help fend off scurvy, and taste delicious.”
“You can’t just live for power. Believe me, in the years after Helicote’s fall, I tried. I cut almost everything else out of my life to pursue strength, in hopes of avenging myself on Havath. I burnt myself out in the worst way, and almost gave up on my mission entirely. It was only in learning to rest, to explore my interests in unrelated topics, to allow myself time for romance and friendship, that I was able to continue down my path. You need a wider foundation. Countless people who have lived a life as harsh as Artur have been broken by it, and I think he sometimes forgets that.”
The healers had seemed baffled when he asked if there was a less painful way to do it, and one of them had muttered something about him probably wanting medicine to taste good too.
Talia took far too much enjoyment out of surprises.
Kanderon had a soft spot for broken things, it seemed.
“Yeh watch out fer mah boy, Talia,” Artur called. “Of course! A protagonist always watches out for her supporting characters!” Talia shouted back.
“There have ta’ be healthier ways ta’ avoid crowds than jumpin’ off cliffs,” Artur muttered. “Hurry up, Godrick!” Sabae called again. “Be patient!” Talia yelled back. “It’s important for supporting characters to have conversations with mentor figures in order to gather plot-vital information for later!”
The Quiet Humility’s ship cat was just as awful as its crew. It was a dog-sized lizard that looked like nothing more than the vile child of a crocodile and a gecko.
Sabae shook her head. “Nope. Dragons aren’t reptiles. They’re warm blooded, and they all have legs that go straight down from their hips. Reptiles have limbs that splay out to the side from their hips.”
“They mean you’re whining and moaning about not knowing what your purpose is, when you literally just told us what it is,” Talia said, rolling her eyes. “What are you talking about?” Sabae demanded. “You want to end the constant coups and conquests,” Hugh said. “To stop the games of the great powers. To find a way to stop them from battling over cities and trading them like hermit crabs do shells.”
“Any friendship whose end goal isn’t bloody mass revolution seems like a pretty boring friendship to me,” Talia said.
Mackerel took that moment to lunge at the jar of jerky, sending it flying all over the ship’s mess.
The thing about poison gas mages? They could only control and keep their lungs clear of the specific gas they had an affinity for. The best way to take out a poison gas mage was with a different poison gas.
They say that the Lord of Bells cast one last spell as he died. Set one last ripple in motion. That someday, that echo would come crashing down on Havath.”
Also, you should respect me because I punch a lot harder than you.”
“Anosmic?” Godrick asked. “Someone without a sense of smell,”
“You are a crazy person, and you terrify me,” Hugh muttered. Talia smiled even wider. Hugh always knew the right things to say to her.
Many of her spells take decades to cast.
“Kanderon, a’ course, would just roll her eyes at all a’ this,” Artur said. “Ah asked her what her definition a’ archmages was, and her response was that anyone strong enough ta’ claim they were an archmage and force others ta’ respect it was one.”
it was Kanderon who named his new armor. “The Stormward’s Crown.”
To stop expanding as an empire is to collapse, and no cunning stratagem on the part of the Havathi or their… advisers… will ever change that.”
“Yes, it’s petty, but when despising something, it is important to cultivate both high-minded and low-minded reasons to do so. Over the centuries, I’ve found that petty spite is one of the few joys that never fades.”
I certainly don’t need convincing that Havath needs to fall— if for no other reason than they’ve tried repeatedly to kill me and my friends.” “See, you’re starting to get it,” Kanderon said. “It’s important to have petty reasons too.”
Mackerel sent Hugh a mental image of a pinecone wearing a hat, which… was probably agreement on his part.
“Patience is a moral weakness,” Leon insisted. “I will tell my husband not to bake you any more sweet rolls if you keep complaining,” Luthe said. “Patience is the highest of virtues, and I am practically made of it,” Leon said.
Knowing about an error in thinking hardly made you immune to it, though. That took constant effort and introspection.
Loarna of the Vault, the greatest wardcrafter in the world, died with a smile on her face. It was finally quiet again.
