Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight): What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner (Mental & Emotional Wellness Book 1)

by Nic Saluppo

Your words can be just as detrimental even if you’re saying them quietly and calmly.

The key is to not let your frustration determine how you communicate.

Your partner needs their perspective acknowledged and validated, not obliterated.

There’s no debating that you feel a certain way, as feelings are physiological sensations in the body. They’re not thoughts or images in your head; they’re a physical experience.

“These are my feelings, and they’re not up for debate. What I am willing to do is have a discussion about both of our perspectives and try to come to a resolution that is agreeable for both of us. What I’m not willing to do is sit here and have you tell me I shouldn’t feel the way I do.”

I have this idea in my mind that you don’t care about me. I’m feeling sad and afraid about that. I’m not saying it’s necessarily true, but it’s what I experience when you say X and do Y.

When [you call me dumb], I feel [angry and sad]. When [you say you’re going to be there and aren’t], I feel [frustrated]. When [you tease me in front of others], I feel [embarrassed and mad]. Add your own here: When [X], I feel [Y].