Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry

by Joya Goffney

Find out right away why the locals call it Prison City. There’s literally an alarm on campus for when an inmate escapes.

I wasted so much time living in fear that I thought I was comfortable, but I was writhing in a cage that I didn’t know existed, making lists of all my worries with no intent to do anything about them.

Making lists of all my fears kept me from ever facing them.

She doesn’t understand that she can’t talk about Black people without talking about me too. She doesn’t understand that using the N-word in any context is never a joke. Not for me, it isn’t. But she’s sorry. She cares. I didn’t know she cared. No matter how much she hurt me, there will always be a hole in my heart for her.

Maybe the only thing I need to remember is my name, who I love, and what I love about life. That’s all Hattie remembers. Maybe that’s all that matters.

“I want you to be able to celebrate our differences. I need you to be aware that our differences will get us different outcomes in life. And I need you to know that just because I don’t fit into your stereotypes, that doesn’t mean I’m any less Black.”

As a black girl who grew up in the suburbs, I felt this in my soul!

I don’t often get to see her natural hair. She doesn’t like to keep it out of her microbraids for long, because she hates taking care of it, but it’s gorgeous. She’s gorgeous.

That's me. I hate having to take care of my hair, so I love my blonde extensions!

Kissing Carter feels like I’m right where I need to be. Like everything happened just so that I could end up here, free of lies and fear and guilt, with friends who understand and respect me, and a boy who isn’t perfect, but who’s patient and whose light shines over all my darkness. Like finally.