Ace of Spades

by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

“Who initiated things between you two?” “He did,” I say, blinking fast. “But we both did it, and I wanted to. I can’t tell you what his reasons were, but I wanted to be with him, so why would I say no? I felt like things could work out for us somehow … then he tells me he’s with you now and that it meant nothing, and I feel like I mean nothing and I—” Once I start, I can’t stop. There’s a pressure in my chest, like I have had this weight here forever. “That’s just who Jamie is.” Belle looks at me, shocked. “Jamie’s a dickhead,” she says. I don’t know why my first instinct is to defend him, but admitting all that out loud makes me stop and think. I never really question whether Jamie doing bad things makes him a bad person. Everyone does bad things sometimes, makes poor choices. I know that more than anyone. “He is,” I say. “I broke up with him,” she says. I’m shocked. She doesn’t even look regretful. “Why?” “Because he’s a dickhead.” There’s a smile she’s holding back, I can tell. “And I had a gut feeling about this whole thing, so I ended it.” She pauses, her hesitation making the atmosphere awkward. “I know it’s weird … but I wanted to be your friend, Chiamaka. The whole time I was dating him, even … Except it seemed like you hated me—and I guess I know why—but as messed up as this is, you seem nicer than people say you are. Besides, we’re both too good for Jamie,” she says. I say nothing. I do nothing. Don’t even breathe. Belle’s words are so confusing. One moment she’s...