Ace of Spades

by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

He’s pulling me in so close it hurts, like he’s trying to fuse our bodies together. My heart is steady somehow, but the rest of me is shaky. We break apart, but I’m still trapped inside his arms. I rest my head on his shoulder, breathing slowly, trying not to think about when I’ll have to move away, wave, and leave. For good. Don’t lose focus. But I did. I was going to leave without telling him that I need one or two small jobs, just to help Ma out. I look up. His face, tearstained and wet, surprises me. It surprises me even more that he lets me reach up and wipe the tears away. “Really gonna miss your company, Devon,” he tells me. “Me too.” I still stand here in this cocoon, waiting for him to pull back. But he doesn’t. I know I’m gonna regret this someday—maybe even moments from now—but I’m not ready to let go just yet, and I can feel him releasing his arms, and that scares the shit out of me, and so I kiss him again. He stops and pulls me close again, and even though my heart is rattling like I just ran a mile, I let him guide me backward slowly, like he’s done many times before. Future Devon is shaking his head, watching as the back of my knees hit Dre’s bed, then how I quickly scoot back toward the cold pillows, finally breaking the kiss to pull my hoodie over my head. But I ignore future-me’s judgment. Dre looks like he wants to speak, tell me to go home or say we shouldn’t be doing something like this. I can hear his thoughts racing. He’s overthinking this, like I w...