After We Collided (After, #2)

by Anna Todd

“I’ll make sure to remember that when I’m burying myself into your daughter tonight.”

“Do you know what will happen to me if she leaves me, Mum? I don’t think you understand… I cannot be without her. I know I’m not good for her, and I regret what I did every single time I look at her, but I can be good for her. I know I can be.”

love her, I really love her.”

“I love her more than I can even begin to tell you, because I don’t even understand it myself. I never thought I could or would feel this way. All I know is that she’s my only shot at happiness. If she leaves me, I’ll never recover. I won’t, Mum. She’s the only chance I have to not be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t know what the fuck I did to deserve her—nothing I know—but she loves me. Do you know how that feels to have someone love you despite all the fucked-up shit you do? She’s way too good for me, and she loves me. I have no fucking clue why.”

“She’s always there for me, Mum. She always forgives me, even when she shouldn’t. She always says the right thing. She calms me, but challenges me—she makes me want to be a better man. I know I’m a shitty person, I know that. I have done so much shit, but Tessa can’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone anymore, and I’ll never love anyone again—she is it for me. I know it. She’s my ultimate sin, Mum, and I’ll gladly be damned for her.”

“I’m not the same person now—you’ve made me a better person.”

“I don’t know you at all, do I?” “Yes, you do, Tessa! You do know me. That wasn’t me—this is me. This is me now. I love you! I will do anything for you, for you to see that this is me, the man who loves you more than breathing, the man who dances at weddings and watches you sleep, the man whose day can’t start until you kiss me, the man who would rather die than be without you. That’s me, that’s who I am. Please don’t let this ruin us. Please, baby.”

I did sleep with Molly once after you and I kissed, but the only reason I did it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t get you out of my head, Tess. I kept thinking it was you the entire time. I had hoped that would help, but it didn’t. I knew it wasn’t you. You would have been better. I kept telling myself, if I only see Tessa one more time I will realize this is just a ridiculous fascination, nothing more. Purely lust.

But every time I saw you I wanted more and more. I would think of ways to annoy you just so I could hear you say my name. I wanted to know what you were thinking of in class that made you stare at your book with a frown, I wanted to smooth the crease between your brows, I wanted to know what you and Landon whispered about, I wanted to know what you were writing in that damned planner of yours. I actually almost took it from you once, that day when you dropped it and I handed it to you. You probably don’t remember, but you were wearing a purple shirt and that hideous gray skirt you used to wear almost every other day.

After that day in your dorm when I fucked up your notes and kissed you against the wall, I was in too deep to stay away. I thought about you constantly. My every thought was consumed by you. I didn’t know what it was at first—I didn’t know why I had become so obsessed with you. The first time that you stayed the night with me is when I knew, KNEW that I loved you. I knew that I would do anything for y...

found myself daydreaming—me daydreaming… about the life that I could have with you. I pictured you sitting on the couch with a pen between your teeth and a novel on your lap, your feet on my lap. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t get the image out of my head. It tortured me, wanting you the way that I did and knowing you would never feel the same. I threatened anyone who tried to sit i...

I would tell myself over and over that I was only doing all of this weird shit to win the bet. I knew that I was lying to myself, I just wasn’t ready to admit it. I would do shit, like crazy shit, to fuel my obsession with y...

“He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like th...

I knew I loved you when I was highlighting f...

When I told you I loved you in front of everyone, I meant it—I was just too much of a prick to admit it once you dismissed me. The day that you told me you loved me was the first time I ...

All I know is that you make me happy, Tess. You love me when you shouldn’t, and I need you. I have always needed you and always will.

She was boring, and nothing compared to you. No one is, no one ever will be.

I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you again, but I can swear that I will love you until the day that I die.

Sometimes it is better to be kept in the dark than to be blinded by the light.

I have since come up with other ways to get you to say my name,”

“I don’t know if wearing white is the best idea.” He smiles. “For God’s sake, stop it!” I say. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

I’m an asshole: another fact.

I tug on the string of her tampon and dispose of it in the trash, then, moving her hand away, roll the condom on.

Tessa looks like a fucking goddess compared to them. Compared to anyone.

“Truth,” Molly answers. “Is it true…” Tessa begins and leans forward, “that you’re a whore?”

“Excuse me?” Molly retorts, mouth agape. “You heard me… is it true that you’re a whore?” “No,” Molly says, her eyes now small slits.

“It’s called truth for a reason,” Tess eggs her on.

I never in a million years thought I would be breaking up a fight between Tess and anyone, let alone Molly, who’s all talk.

“This is just like old times, isn’t it? You know, back before you wanted to fuck my girl,” Hardin says, and Zed spits his drink back into the glass.

“I can show you how to touch yourself the way that I touch you.”

“Remember the second time I saw you? You were in a towel and you were carrying those wet clothes.” “Yes, and you said you wouldn’t look at me,” I recall. “I lied. I was certainly looking at you.”

I bend down, place my palms against the mat, and look at Hardin through the space between my stomach and the floor. He’s standing still with his mouth open.

I have never wanted someone so much, so often.

Yes, I have fucked plenty of girls, but that was just about the thrill, about the bragging rights—it was never about being closer to them the way it is with Tess. With her, it’s about the sensation, about the way these small bumps raise on her skin from my touch, the way she’ll complain that having goose bumps makes her have to shave more frequently, and I will roll my eyes at her even though I find it humorous, the way she whimpers when I bring her lip between my teeth and it makes that noise when it snaps back, and, most importantly, the way that we’re doing something that only her and I share. No one has or will ever be close to her in this way.

Her body trembles and stiffens, and I watch her climax. It’s like she’s just as—if not more—captivating each time she comes. This is why I cannot get enough of her and never will.

As humorous as it is that he didn’t respond to Tessa, I don’t want her to be upset, so the little shit better knock it off and be nice to her.

“Okay, calm down, little dude. She’s mine,” I tease.

I have no fucking idea what I would do if he cried right now. Run. I would run into the other room and hide behind Tessa.

“Zed,” she mumbles. Did she just…? I stare at her, trying to replay the last three seconds in my mind. She didn’t say— “Zed.” She smiles, rolling onto her stomach. What the fuck?

She has forgiven me for everything, always. I could always count on that, and maybe that’s why I treated her the way I did, because I knew I could.

She ruined me. She got inside me and fucked me up. I had spent years building those walls—my entire life, really—and here she came in and tore them down, leaving me with nothing but rubble.

This isn’t the pain I had read about in novels. This pain isn’t just in my mind, this pain isn’t physical. This is a soul-aching pain, something that is ripping me apart from the inside out, and I don’t think I can survive it. No one could.

I cut him off by grabbing the collar of his jacket and bringing my lips to his.

She’s the most infuriating woman in the entire world, but fuck if I don’t love her even at her most difficult.

“Just because he can’t love you the way you want him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with everything he has,”

I know that no matter how much we fight, we will always find a way back to each other. Always.

Basically try to make her fall in love with you again.”

I want to continue to take you out and make you laugh instead of cry. I want you to love me again.”

No one is truly innocent in this world, no one. The people who believe themselves to be perfect are the worst ones of all.

the infuriating girl who has stolen every ounce of me, body and soul, and I never want it back. I don’t even care what she does with it. It’s hers. I’m hers.