The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #3)

by Matt Dinniman

Red Line.

Station number 81. Next stop will be Mora Station number 82 followed by a Traveler Transfer station number 83.”

Saferooms appear at all transfer stations. Stairwells appear at stations numbered 12, 24, 36, 48, and 72 on any colored line.

Zlurpies, which were waist-high, semi-intelligent warrior armadillo things. They rolled into armored balls when they started to take damage, but they were small enough to be eaten whole by Mongo, who would pick them up and crunch them like juice-filled hard candies.

Odette.

Hello, Crawler. As you’re about to find, this is a very special book. If you’re reading these words, it means this book has found its way into your hands for one purpose and one purpose only. Together, we will burn it all to the ground.

gut.”

einzeller.

The dinosaur had gone crazy, like that fat kid in the Willy Wonka book who started eating the walls and shit.

On top of that, some crazy asshole who doesn’t want everybody to think he’s a crazy asshole is throwing a train full of explosives in our direction. So, you know. Typical day.

I liked Bautista, I thought as I finished building my train bomb, but his Tigran race made him look like a tiger that had been vomited upon by a Lisa Frank notebook. I didn’t know how anything could embarrass him.

And as Doctor Ian Malcolm once famously said, Life, uh, finds a way.

Katia stuck her tongue out at me. And then her tongue formed into a little hand with a tiny middle finger pointing up.

Elle: Are you about to do something really stupid, or have you done it already? Carl: Both. Elle: Hang on. Let me ask. Don’t get your hopes up.

maybe commit a few war crimes in the process

Katia exploded.

getting bukkaked by the fetid, stinking liquid.

“Really, Katia,” Donut said, leaping to my shoulder. “If you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask.”

“Glurp, glurp, motherfucker,”