The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #3)

by Matt Dinniman

It is said they have the ability to cause one’s heart to beat so quickly, it literally bursts into flames, which is both disgusting and one of the most metal things ever.

The portal has a side effect regarding memory. Human resources says they’re looking into it.”

There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren.

“We should go into the Bitches and Penis Parade strip clubs to see if anybody is in there,” Donut said. “Plus I’ve always wanted to see a naked man dance around. One with better moves than that one weird guy who always came over when you were gone. He used to dance in the mirror and stare at himself and call himself a king. He’d put your socks on his wang and twirl them around in the mirror.”

The swimsuit portion of this human mating ritual is designed to entice the Chad-class males.

“I just realized you’re the only boy here,” Donut said. “All these people, and there’s only one penis. You could start a harem. Like the guy on that Sister Wives television show.” I laughed. “Nobody is starting a harem.” “No, I suppose not,” Donut said. “You couldn’t even keep one woman interested.”

I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.

Once I saw that the god was being played by that silly pig boy, I knew we had a chance. That’s what, the third time now he’s gotten fucked by Carl? I really wanted to get in on the action. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten laid, Odette.”