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July 27 - July 28, 2025
These losers spend most of their days and nights reading. What a bunch of nerds.
They are hunted ruthlessly by the tunnel trolls, who like to capture and lick them. Not because they impart any sort of hallucinogenic effect. It’s just that tunnel trolls are weird-ass fuckers.
Zev: Well you need to do something. What’s the point of adding a new character if she sucks? It’s like when they added April to Gilmore Girls. But worse. Donut: OH NO. I WILL HELP HER.
They don’t normally run around without skin. We just added that part because it makes them scary as shit.
Hello, Crawler. As you’re about to find, this is a very special book. If you’re reading these words, it means this book has found its way into your hands for one purpose and one purpose only. Together, we will burn it all to the ground.
New achievement! Locomotive Breath! While it’s not exactly a feat of engineering worthy of a Queen Elizabeth Prize, you finally managed to manufacture a train derailment. Let’s hope this doesn’t set off some sort of unforeseen domino effect that will ripple throughout the rest of the floor, leading to mass confusion and death amongst you and your fellow crawlers. Reward: You’ve received a Gold Engineering Box! That was ominous.
“I think my fans should have a name, wouldn’t that be great? Like the Princess Patrol or something.” I grunted. “How about the Donut Holes?” “Don’t be crude, Carl.”
Once lit, a fire is easier to stoke than it is to extinguish. Remember that. Fuck the snakes. Fuck the rats. Fuck them all. One day they will all burn, and while I’m certain I will be long dead, I will laugh. I will laugh long and hard, and I will be waiting for them on the other side of the veil where not even the vast expanse of stars or time will withhold my wrath. If you are reading this, friend, I pray you will join me. Side by side we will exact our revenge.
To save you distress, I’m not going to tell you where this came from. That was a lie! It’s a baby corpse!
There is consolation in dying in the pursuit of justice, no matter how small or big that death is.
Carl: I think I know which one. I’ll tell you when to stop. Now see if there’s a control up there that will open the gate. Donut: I ALREADY OPENED IT BY ACCIDENT AND MORE GHOULS STARTED WALKING OUT. I DIDN’T TELL YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GET MAD.
Donut: I DON’T LIKE THIS LADY. SHE’S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO IS REALLY MEAN BUT DOESN’T THINK THEY’RE MEAN.
Sometimes parents can cast a shadow so thick, you can drown in it.”
“I just realized you’re the only boy here,” Donut said. “All these people, and there’s only one penis. You could start a harem. Like the guy on that Sister Wives television show.” I laughed. “Nobody is starting a harem.” “No, I suppose not,” Donut said. “You couldn’t even keep one woman interested.”
Warning: You have a dick.
“Don’t track blood on the floors,” Katia called as we all tracked blood on the floor.
“Really, Katia,” Donut said, leaping to my shoulder. “If you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask.”
Shes such an icon
“Why is it every time there’s a big explosion, you immediately think I had something to do with it?” “Because it usually is you,” she said. “She does have a point, Carl,” Donut said.
She had an I-might-murder-you-at-any-moment-but-it’ll-probably-be-fun-for-both-of-us aesthetic.
