The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #3)

by Matt Dinniman

JUST GO WITH IT. WHEN CARL SAYS TO DO SOMETHING WE DO IT. ALSO, I LOVE THIS SONG.

one’s heart to beat so quickly, it literally bursts into flames, which is both disgusting and one of the most metal things ever.

“I just realized you’re the only boy here,” Donut said. “All these people, and there’s only one penis. You could start a harem. Like the guy on that Sister Wives television show.”

Hekla leaned back from the window, rubbing the blood and gore from her face. She suddenly grinned big and said, “There are many wonders in a cow’s head.” “Indeed,” Eva said. I had no idea what the hell that meant.

“Miss Beatrice once used scissors to get poop off my butt,” Donut said. “Uh huh,” I said. “Once?” “We’re having a moment here, Carl. Don’t ruin it.”

I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.

“Glurp, glurp, motherfucker,” I said before I collapsed in an exhausted heap.

thought of my own mother, who’d attempted to kill my father and then herself as a goddamned birthday present to me. She’d only half succeeded.

“I wasn’t just going to abandon you, Carl,” Donut said. “Who do you think I am? Miss Beatrice?”

They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me. But I will break them. This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all.

Haven’t they been paying attention? They had to know we’d come save him.