The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #3)

by Matt Dinniman

These losers spend most of their days and nights reading. What a bunch of nerds.

I hadn’t known him long. But he was a good man. He was my friend. In all of this death, he would barely be a blip. And that enraged me unlike anything else that had happened so far.

Mordecai’s Special Brew A potion designed by a shifty Changeling who has a tendency to kill those who count on him the most,

This train is running on dead babies. Holy crap that’s fucked up.

Reading the words of those who have come before me, I know them. You, reading this. I know you, too. You are me. That is who this book finds.

When she ran away, it wasn’t because she was a bad kid. It was self-defense. Kids aren’t always a product of their parents. But sometimes that doesn’t matter. Sometimes parents can cast a shadow so thick, you can drown in it.”

Carl: Donut, be cool. This doesn’t have to turn into a fight. She was trying something, and whatever it was, it didn’t work. We don’t want to fight her. “You tried to kill Katia you fucking bitch!” Donut cried. She blasted a full-strength Magic Missile right into Hekla’s face.

“If you try something, I will rip you from the air and eat off your wings. I’ve done it before.”

Namely, you need to be more ‘zippy’ I think the word was. Apparently last time Odette thought your interview performance was a little lackluster.” Katia frowned and crossed her arms. “I’ll tell you what,” I said. “Katia, I’ll give you a zip lesson right now. Okay? Repeat after me. I want you to say, ‘Go fuck yourself, Zev.’” Katia laughed. “I’m not going to say that.”

“I don’t think it’s a mirror of the entire tangle. Just each individual line.” “What? Katia, what the fuck? How does that make sense?” “Just think of every line as a noodle, and the track is on the outside of the noodle. And there’s another track on the opposite side of the same noodle. And think of the abyss as a fork stuck into the middle of the bowl that has been turned a few times.

“Why is it every time there’s a big explosion, you immediately think I had something to do with it?” “Because it usually is you,”

Elle: Oh, unwad your panties. What are we calling the inbetween space? The escape tunnel? Donut: WE ARE CALLING IT THE NOODLE.

“I could crunch on your bones and glory in the sound that they made when they splintered.” “Bitch, what?”

I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.

“Another floor ending with a big explosion,” Katia said after the train disappeared. “Spoiler alert, Katia,” Donut replied. “It’s always going to end with an explosion.”

They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me. But I will break them. This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all. - Crawler Carl, 25th Edition of The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook