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July 25 - July 31, 2025
New Achievement! Cuck Aquaman! You got fucked by a fish. You’ve done something so spectacularly controversial, courts and lawyers had to get involved. The end result was *my* decision being overturned. Reward: You’ve received a Platinum It’s Not My Fault You Fish-Headed Assholes Don’t Properly Program Your Quests Box.
A crystal tiara fit for royalty. Made in honor of all the lost children of the world. Because nothing helps soothe the tears of grieving parents like watching someone else dress up all fancy.
Literal Fire Ants. Level 1. This is a trap monster. Like regular fire ants, but with more enthusiasm. Plus they hate you and want you to die. They’re pretty good at making that happen.
Hello, Crawler. As you’re about to find, this is a very special book. If you’re reading these words, it means this book has found its way into your hands for one purpose and one purpose only. Together, we will burn it all to the ground.
“Look at how beautiful she is,” Donut whispered. “She’s like a vision of pure elegance.” “Yo,” Elle cried at the bartender. “Whose dick do I gotta suck to get another drink? Christ.”
“What was that, bitch? I didn’t quite get that last part,” I said.
Oh clap back moment. Go Carl!
There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren. But more importantly, there is no shame in wanting to protect those who are your hive, even if you never knew them.
“You don’t understand what it means to be responsible for somebody. You don’t have a kid in here with you. You don’t understand what that responsibility means, what a weight that is on your shoulders. And when you fail, it’s like being crushed, constantly crushed, only you don’t die. And the pain never stops. It just keeps coming and coming.”
Warning: You have a dick.
“You’re going to get us killed one way or the other, Carl. It might as well be for a good cause,” Donut said. I grunted. “Well they do say I’m crazy.”
And as Doctor Ian Malcolm once famously said, Life, uh, finds a way.
“You know, it’s no wonder you were always so poor. There’s a fine line between being helpful and being a dumbass, Carl.”
“Fucking hell, Carl,” Elle said, floating up. “Did you do that?” “Why is it every time there’s a big explosion, you immediately think I had something to do with it?” “Because it usually is you,” she said.
“I could kill you,” Prepotente said. He said it to Imani. “I could crunch on your bones and glory in the sound that they made when they splintered.”
“Li Na is really mad at you about this,” Donut said. “She called you an idiot.” “That's because I am an idiot,” I said. “I've never denied it.”
I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.
They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me. But I will break them. This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all.
