The Charm Offensive

by Alison Cochrun

A reputation of being difficult isn’t enough to blacklist you from any industry when you’re as white and male and traditionally handsome as Charlie,

He tries to refocus on things that calm him: Excel spreadsheets, quiet libraries, one-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles, 90-degree angles.

“In my defense, you’re obsessed with helping straight people find love, and your cargo shorts are heinous.”

“That’s a very nice offer,” Charlie says. “But I am currently dating ten women on a reality show, so I will have to pass.”

First Charlie shoves him against a brick wall, and then he asks permission to kiss him, and the stark juxtaposition between that act of aggression and the thoughtful question of consent might be the sexiest thing that’s ever happened to Dev, overriding any logical thought. He says something. It might be “okay.”

Kissing Charlie feels different than kissing anyone else. Maybe because it’s new, or maybe because it’s a little awkward, or maybe because it’s Charlie, whose hands feel enormous on Dev’s cheeks and the back of Dev’s neck as Charlie folds himself around Dev exactly like a duvet.

Dev reaches for his wine again, then stops himself. He’s tired of numbing himself with alcohol every time his heart feels too big inside his chest. He doesn’t want to bury all his feelings and he doesn’t want to keep hiding them from everyone in his life. He doesn’t want to push away love. What he really wants is to be as healthy as he says he is.

Charlie Winshaw held him all night when he was depressed; he bought his parents their anniversary present and hauled Dev’s cranky ass across a mountain; he read Dev’s script and he always carries Dev’s duffle and all he wants is for Dev to be healthy. That’s who Charlie is. He’s a beautiful, kindhearted nerd with big eyes and perfect hair and a stupid face, and he was smiling tonight.

“I might be awkward, though,” Charlie warns him. “You better be awkward. The awkwardness is what does it for me, honestly.”

he didn’t know it was possible to love Dev more, for love to become a bottomless well inside of him he could spend his whole life filling. Coming together with Dev in this new way makes the well inside of him pour over. It feels like an unzipping of his skin, as if he’s stepping outside this costume version of himself to become his actual self—that he’s discovering something true buried so deep he thought he would never reach that person, but there he is, and Dev is with him, holding his hand, guiding him through.

he has a gorgeous jaw Dev would like to stroke before he punches it.

“I’m telling you this, Charlie, because you asked how you know you’re going to love someone forever, and the truth is, despite what we tell people on this show, forever is never a guarantee. I don’t know if I’m going to love Rey for the rest of my life, but I know right now, I can’t imagine a future where I don’t love them. And for me, that’s enough.”

I guess I really liked the idea of you being in my future, and I haven’t quite figured out how to not have you in it.”

She sounds so hurt, and he understands it’s because he hurt the person she loves most in the world, and loving someone means carrying around their hurt, too.

“I don’t think happily ever after is something that happens to you, Dev. I think it’s something you choose to do for yourself.”

He says: “I know I fucked it all up.” Then: “Shit, you can’t say ‘fuck’ on live television. Oh fuck.”