The Charm Offensive

by Alison Cochrun

“Uh, you… also meet.” “Does he think that was a sentence?” Jules asks Dev. “God, we’re screwed.”

“If I had a dollar for every time a straight dude kissed me on a lark, I’d have . . well, like, five dollars.”

“That’s such bullshit! There are so many people who have done actual terrible things who are actively working in tech! Mark Zuckerberg exists!

“I’m not afraid of anything. Except emotional intimacy and abandonment.” And heights. He is clearly afraid of heights.

Charlie is a mess, but so is Dev, and he can’t believe they found each other on this ridiculous show about fairy-tale love.

“I tell you about all my hookups.” “I never asked you to be so forthcoming and would actually prefer you stop.”

“Oh my God, Charles, work my pussy out.” He chokes on his lemon ginger. “Excuse me?” “Sorry. You’re not quite there

“You know what, Dev,” he says, and he fails in his chief mission of not crying in front of him. “For someone who claims to love love, you’re really good at pushing it away.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Daphne. I think you’re perfect just the way millions of years of evolution and natural selection made you.”

And Dev needs a drink. Or a package of Oreos. Or a lobotomy.

“You don’t love me.” “Don’t tell me how I feel. I love you.”

“We had the waiver you signed to release any footage of you, but we still tried to contact you before the show aired. Unfortunately, you did this really cute thing where you refused to talk to any of us for three months,”

“I don’t think happily ever after is something that happens to you, Dev. I think it’s something you choose to do for yourself.”