The Charm Offensive

by Alison Cochrun

“You can touch me anywhere you like,” he starts. And he realizes he’s phrased this inelegantly when the man’s other eyebrow shoots up.

Charlie bruh

And that’s when Charlie truly does vomit, all over Dev.

Charlie dude

“I’m going to touch you again,” Dev warns, and good Lord—Charles blushes as Dev reaches up and adjusts his blond curls beneath the crown.

I love this already

“My women are decent human beings. Charles isn’t.”

All the poor guy did was throw up on your shoes

“I just…” Charlie flails his left hand. “I… I… am not good with words, or with trying to communicate my thoughts. People always think I’m weird, so it is easier if I never talk.”

Same

Behind them, a group gets up to leave, and Charlie scrunches his shoulders, becomes as small as possible to avoid being bumped by their swinging purses. Under the table, Charlie’s leg presses even more firmly against Dev’s, and he can feel Charlie trembling in the place where their bodies meet. He thinks about the crowded patio and the noise and all the germs.

OHHHH HE IS SO ME

“Wait, are you gay?”

CHARLIE BRUH

No, it’s more that he can’t quite wrap his brain around being attracted to anyone. He can appreciate the aesthetic beauty of other people, and he’s had intellectual crushes on women—he’s admired women, respected them, had a vague desire for an intimacy and a closeness he’s never been able to achieve. But he’s never really wanted a woman before, and his sexual fantasies about women are usually vague and abstract. They’re not usually even about him.

BLEGHHH

In Charlie’s mind, he must think this little lean he’s doing looks casual. It does not.

I LOVE HIM

“You’re looking for a man-shaped person to share the night with?” Charlie asks primly.

Charlie i love you

“Let’s see who pulls away first.”

OHHHHHH PERIOD