“For my twenty-eighth birthday, Jules threw me this huge surprise party with half the crew at my favorite bar, and Ryan showed up with a Goonies T-shirt still in the brown paper Target bag as his gift. I’m not materialistic, but we had been together for six years, and he bought me a novelty T-shirt for twelve bucks in the girls’ section at Target. It was clear he had forgotten my birthday and picked it up on the way to the party. And it was an XXL, so it didn’t even fit me.
