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For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple—I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. I didn’t care much about ruling hordes of space people. Mostly I wanted to wear the cape and the sexy boots and carry a cool weapon.
Not only was I a slut lusting after two men, I was a bad hamster mother.
“Hey Steph, are you there? It’s Mooner and Dougie.” I opened the door to them and they reminded me of Bob, all happy-faced and filled with goofy energy.
“I’m saying you’re going to have to choose between me or the job.” “Well, guess what, I’m not spending the rest of my life with someone who gives me ultimatums.”
I suspect the truth is that neither of us is ready to get married. And instead of facing the real issue we’re finding ways to sabotage the relationship. We don’t talk about important things like kids and jobs. We each take a stand and yell at each other.
I might be a stay-at-home mother someday, but I’ll always be trying to fly off the garage roof. That’s just who I am.
“What’s a lesbian?” she asked. We all sat frozen. “It’s when girls have girlfriends instead of boyfriends,” Grandma said. Angie reached for her milk. “Homosexuality is thought to be the result of an aberrant chromosome.” “I was going to say that next,” Grandma said.
Men get erections at the strangest times.
He’s going to jail. He can’t see. He can’t hear. He can’t take a leak that lasts under fifteen minutes. But he has an erection and all the other problems are small change. Next time around I’m coming back as a man. Priorities are so clearly defined. Life is so simple.
Morelli has been in and out of my life since I was six years old. He’s like a comet that once every ten years gets sucked into my gravitational pull, furiously circles me, and then rockets back out into space. Our needs never seem to be in total alignment.
Ranger is new to my life. He’s an unknown quantity, starting as mentor and progressing to . . . what? Hard to assess exactly what Ranger wants from me. Or what I want from him. Sexual satisfaction. Beyond that I’m not sure.
