The Heart's Invisible Furies

by John Boyne

Until you’ve been fellated by your adoptive mother, Cyril, you will not know what a quality blowjob really is.

“Of all the women in Ireland, you had to fuck the wife of the one man who’s trying to keep you out of prison,”

“That’s hardly the point,” said Maude. “Elizabeth’s a friend of mine.” “My dear, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t have any friends.” “An acquaintance then.”

“It’s because they’re all so sexually frustrated, of course,” he told me. “They can’t have sex, you see, so they beat up little boys and it gives them stiffies when they do it. It’s the closest they get to orgasms during the day. It’s ridiculous, really. I mean I’m sexually frustrated but I don’t think beating up children will solve the problem.”

I guarantee you won’t get to the end of the chapter without pulling Percy out for the old five-finger shuffle.