How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

by Logan Ury

Psychologists describe two ways couples transition into the next stage of a relationship: deciding or sliding. Deciding means making intentional choices about relationship transitions, like becoming exclusive or having children. Sliding entails slipping into the next stage without giving it much thought. This distinction matters. The National Marriage Project, an annual report on American marriages conducted by researchers at the University of Virginia, found that couples who made a conscious choice to advance to the next stage of their relationship enjoyed higher-quality marriages than those who slid into the next stage. Furthermore, researchers from the University of Louisville and the University of Denver found that individuals who tend to “slide” through relationship milestones feel less dedicated to their partners and engage in more extramarital affairs. These findings suggest sliding through decision points can put a relationship at risk. While relationships present many crucial decision points, in this chapter, I’ll help you address two of them: defining the relationship and moving in together.