More on this book
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Beginning in the 1980s, study after study started to show that people who were socially isolated from their friends—regardless of how healthy their family lives were—proved far more susceptible to a massive list of health problems, and were far more likely to die during a given period than their socially connected peers. And this was after correcting for things like age and gender and lifestyle choices.
Beginning in the 1980s, study after study started to show that people who were socially isolated from their friends—regardless of how healthy their family lives were—proved far more susceptible to a massive list of health problems, and were far more likely to die during a given period than their socially connected peers. And this was after correcting for things like age and gender and lifestyle choices.
Loneliness kills. And in the twenty-first century, by any reasonable measure, loneliness has become an epidemic.
Loneliness kills. And in the twenty-first century, by any reasonable measure, loneliness has become an epidemic.
One study found that in terms of damage to your health, loneliness was the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
One study found that in terms of damage to your health, loneliness was the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
And according to a large study conducted by the AARP, more than 42 million Americans over the age of 45 suffer from “chronic loneliness.”
And according to a large study conducted by the AARP, more than 42 million Americans over the age of 45 suffer from “chronic loneliness.”
While loneliness clearly poses a gigantic issue in our society, Schwartz told me, dealing with it is extremely difficult for one simple reason: No one wants to admit that they’re lonely.
While loneliness clearly poses a gigantic issue in our society, Schwartz told me, dealing with it is extremely difficult for one simple reason: No one wants to admit that they’re lonely.
Friends were what we did after the “important” stuff was done, and that shit is never done.
Friends were what we did after the “important” stuff was done, and that shit is never done.
Studies show we like people more if we know they like us.
Because laughter, dance, and music are three things that humans make that other animals do not.
An epidemic of depression. Rampant alcoholism. Fatal overdoses, mostly from prescription drugs. A suicide rate that’s rising rapidly, especially for men. And the fucking obesity certainly isn’t helping. It’s a pile of bad news, and the evidence pointed Case and Deaton toward one undeniable conclusion—there was an underlying malaise in America.
According to self-determination theory, human beings require three things to be content: to feel competent at what they do; to feel authentic in their lives; and to feel connected to others.
“And now you know, and knowing is half the battle.”
enneagram.
“I call my horse Mayo, and sometimes Mayo neighs.”
Adulthood is too serious. I miss stupid. I need stupid. Being stupid with your friends is guaranteed happiness.
This is not the person who has the answers; it’s the person who asks the best questions.
Friendship is not a science; it’s a magic, and when it works the mechanism of the trick is unseen by the audience. Two humans come together and a special alchemy turns it into something grand.
writing about music was like dancing about architecture.
analyzing humor is a bit like dissecting a frog; it’s not a lot of fun, and the frog dies because of it.
“Men need somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to talk to.”
“Men need somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to talk to.”
I simply needed somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to talk to.
Overthinking shit is my favorite recreational drug.
friendship is complicated unless it’s painfully simple.
“What should young people do with their lives?” That’s a good question, and the writer Kurt Vonnegut once came up with a good answer.
“Many things, obviously,” he said. “But the most daring is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”
In a wonderful essay for Salon, the sociologist Lisa Wade wrote that “to be close friends, men need to be willing to confess their insecurities, to be kind to others, have empathy and sometimes sacrifice their own self-interest. ‘Real Men,’ though, are not supposed to do these things. They are supposed to be self-interested, competitive, non-emotional, strong (with no insecurities at all), and able to deal with their emotional problems without help. Being a good friend, then, as well as needing a good friend, is the equivalent of being girly.”
A best friend isn’t a person. It’s a tier. Mindy Kaling said this once on a television show, and it electrified me the moment I heard it, for I felt immediately freed me from some strange rule of best-friendship I’d been following.
