Welcome Home: A Guide to Building a Home for Your Soul

by Najwa Zebian

Now, if you were to imagine that dream or goal in the cloud…if that cloud were to start raining, would it nourish those flowers? Would they grow? In other words, as you live out those dreams or goals, are the elements of your home being nourished? Are you being nourished as a person? Are you growing?

When you are silent within, you can listen to yourself. And as you apply and practice any of the tools in any room, listening to yourself is absolutely essential.

I used to not be able to fall asleep without the TV playing in the background. Looking back on that, I know it was because I knew reality would hit, and I just didn’t want to hear any of my thoughts. But of course it was imperative to hear my own thoughts.

Silence within serves as a magnifying glass, as a mirror, as an amplifier for the voices that visit you in the form of thoughts and emotions.

Practicing inner silence means that instead of immediately bringing your thoughts and emotions to the surface and speaking them to others, you practice being in a state of listening to them on your own.

it. I tell myself I am not my ego. I am aware of it. I can choose to believe what it tells me about myself. And I can choose to say I see where you’re coming from and I see where you’re taking me, but I’m not going with you.

When you listen to your ego, you take away its power. You disarm it.

When you take the time to open the door within yourself to the pain that’s causing chaos by knocking louder and louder, now, instead of that voice having power over you and unconsciously controlling you, you’re welcoming it into your awareness. And once you do, you’re the one in control.

You know that listening to someone with empathy requires that you listen with the intention of understanding, not with the intention of responding or comparing or belittling. You must listen with the intention of stepping into the other person’s pain with them.

Practicing the art of listening to yourself begins with intending to do so.

…My whole being was preoccupied with this pain. This was bigger than Noah. It quickly spiraled into overblown feelings of abandonment, neglect, and worthlessness.

was taking an active part in degrading myself. I was telling myself Who do you think you are? I thought I’d already done the internal work to change the answer from I am a nobody to I am Najwa Zebian. How could it be that the answer was now back to I am someone who’s not worthy of love?

The act of bringing that voice into awareness was more than enough for me to be aware of it as opposed to believing it.

I just sit in silence. Start with five minutes. Keep all your electronics and any other distractions away. And just listen to yourself. Listen to what your mind is telling you. You might have an overflow of negative thoughts when you start, which is great! Because now you are actually becoming aware of what your mind is telling you.

Either you follow this thought and feeling and end up at I’m never going to find love or I’m not worthy of love. Or you can say to this thought and feeling I see you. I accept that I am thinking and feeling you. And I understand that you are coming from my mind. But you are not who I am. You are not welcome as a permanent resident in my home. You are here because my mind is thinking you, because my heart is feeling you, but you are not me. And I choose not to follow you.

step 1: Sit in silence. step 2: Close your eyes or focus on one object. step 3: Imagine a person who hurt you. Think of all the power you’re giving them, as represented by the cords that tie you (the marionette) to them. Each cord represents something you feel you can’t let go of when it comes to that pain or that person. step 4: Imagine picking up a pair of scissors. The scissors come directly from the foundation of your home. One blade is self-acceptance and one blade is self-awareness. You take the scissors to each cord separately and say I accept you and I release you. You have no power over me. step 5: Every time you cut a cord, imagine its power flowing back into you. Into your heart. Into your home. This activity is like saying I’m dismantling your power over me. The power I thought was yours is now mine.

It was the voice that stopped me from opening up and raising my voice because that voice showed me the ending before I’d even begun.

needed from those around me, I wouldn’t have gotten to the point where I could differentiate between opening up in general and opening up to the right people—those who’d earned the right to hear my story.

Remember, before you decide where you’re headed, you have to figure out where you actually are. You can’t skip steps.

but remember to welcome only those whose footsteps in your home are taken with compassion.

Expect that people from your past will knock at your door asking where the old you, the you that they know, is.

We all sometimes behave in a way that renders us feeling like we’ve betrayed ourselves. And that’s because of the patterns that were ingrained in us. Don’t be hard on yourself. A day in a state of not being at home with yourself

You’ll never go back to the person you were before.

Not because I felt it. But because I realized how far I’d come from that place.

Stop telling me that “boys will be boys” and that it is my fault if you cannot control yourself around me. I do not accept less than “Humans will be humans.”

have been taught by my environment to always be conscious of not being too empathetic.

never used to be like this, but one day, my cousin told me, when you die, what will you take with you? Not the sadness. Not the misery. You will only take the happiness and goodness that you spread.”

I decided to take off the armor that I had on and to allow my vulnerability to do its work at this point. If this student opened up the topic, that means he already trusted me with it.

to. It was difficult to take it all in. But, if it was difficult for me to listen to, how difficult was it for him to go through it and talk about it?

But how could the pain go away if it’s not acknowledged?

So on this recent journey to research whether empathy is inborn or developed over the years, sure enough, I discovered that it is inborn but must be nurtured over the years.

There will always be someone who will tell you that you’re not good enough, pretty enough, or unique enough. There will always be someone who will tell you that you’re only as beautiful as your face and your body. There will always be someone who will tell you that your worth depends on how much attention you can get. There will always be someone who will tell you that your education is a waste. But I will always be there to tell you this… The beauty within you cannot be compared to anyone else’s.

A pretty face may get you attention, but a pretty heart will get you respect. A pretty face may get you popularity, but a beautiful, reasonable mind will get you true happiness that lasts a lifetime. Your attitude may get you attention, but kindness will get you genuine love. True love is not easily found, because things that last a lifetime are rare.

And that unless you learn to see yourself for who you are on the inside, you’ll always be a prisoner of what those around you think of you.

Your education is what makes you a queen, because it crowns your heart with the ability to make a difference in this world.

Independence will be your guard from every power that tries to weaken you or defeat you.

Have the courage to walk away from the stories you don’t belong in. Don’t settle for being a secondary character when you deserve to be the main one.

You may find yourself slowly drifting out of a plot, but that doesn’t mean that you were never part of the main events. You may find your importance slowly fading, but that doesn’t mean you were never the focus. Don’t regret doing your best to keep what you had. It shows your loyalty. Don’t regret giving all you can. It shows your commitment. But should you find yourself disrespected or unappreciated, don’t be afraid to put an end to your existence in their story.

Don’t base your self-worth on what those who broke you have to say about you. Why do you still believe them anyway? Be careful whose voice you allow into your head. The person you trusted with your heart, who shattered it to pieces, isn’t worthy of anything more than your forgiveness.

One of the hardest things in life must be getting over the pain of being wrongfully treated,

An apology alone will not take the pain away. And when you do forgive that person, forgiveness does not take the pain away nor does it heal you instantly.

Don’t depend on the person who inflicted pain upon you to wake up and realize they need to take it away. Even if they acknowledge your pain, it still won’t take it away. It wo...

stop giving those who hurt you so much power over your healing...

But for now, you must feel the pain, and let it leave you. You are in charge only of yourself. You can only control yourself. So take control o...

When you dwell on things you can’t change, those things gain control of you.

Instead of focusing on changing them, focus on making yourself a better person.

when the day comes that the people who are meant to be in your life come into your life, you’ll be so thankful you spent your time making yourself a better person rather than trying to make other