The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

by Debra Fine

We become better conversationalists when we employ two primary objectives. Number one: Take the risk. It is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation with a stranger.

Number two: Assume the burden. It is up to each and every one of us to assume the burden of conversation. It is our responsibility to come up with topics to discuss; it is up to us to remember people’s names and to introduce them to others; it is up to us to relieve the awkward moments or fill the pregnant pause.

Remembering names is well worth the effort. In fact, learning names is part of hosting the conversation. A host is always expected to know and use every person’s name, since the host is responsible for making introductions as new individuals enter the conversation. I was seated at a table for eight and met three people who had arrived at the table before I did. As others arrived, I extended my hand, introduced myself, and made the introductions to the other three. I said, This is Linda with Sun Microsystems, and Jon with SONY, and Sam from the Association of Safety Engineers. Acting as the host puts everyone at ease and creates an atmosphere of warmth and appreciation that naturally encourages conversation. It also positions you as a leader in the group.

Advance planning helps ensure that the ball doesn’t get dropped. If you are at an event where you’ll spend a considerable amount of time with the same group, such as a luncheon, be prepared to move beyond icebreakers and initial conversation-makers. You need to be prepared to engage in longer conversations, so you need more topics.