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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Debra Fine
Read between
December 30 - December 30, 2018
We become better conversationalists when we employ two primary objectives. Number one: Take the risk. It is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation with a stranger.
Number two: Assume the burden. It is up to each and every one of us to assume the burden of conversation. It is our responsibility to come up with topics to discuss; it is up to us to remember people’s names and to introduce them to others; it is up to us to relieve the awkward moments or fill the pregnant pause. Most
Always begin and end your business conversation with small talk to humanize the relationship. Investors
Start thinking of strangers as people who can bring new dimensions to your life, not as persons to be feared.
Take the risk. Walk up to someone and introduce yourself. Extend your hand, make eye contact, and smile saying, “Hello. My name is Deb Fine. It’s nice to meet you.”
SILENCE IS IMPOLITE
noticed her and commented frequently on her work. When the time came for a promotion, she got it and I didn’t. I simply wasn’t as visible because I was so silent.
had never occurred to me that shyness could be mistaken for arrogance. While shyness and arrogance are worlds apart, the visible manifestation of each can appear the same.
Start small talking and let others see your personality. You know how much you appreciate the efforts others put forth in conversation.
Yet the purpose of the event was to make new contacts.
IT’S UP TO YOU TO START A CONVERSATION
IT’S UP TO YOU TO ASSUME THE BURDEN OF CONVERSATION
If you generally wait for someone else to take the
initiative in a conversation, you have been self-cen...
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The first step in becoming a great conversationalist is becoming invested in the conversation and actively working to help the other person feel comfortable.
BUSINESS ICEBREAKERS
Write it down
was to look them in the eye and ask What’s your name? Making eye contact and placing the emphasis on the word your, rather than the word name, signaled to the person that they were important.
To help yourself commit the name to memory, immediately use the person’s name in the conversation.
Never, ever fake it!
person. If you avoid someone because you are embarrassed over having forgotten her name, you’ve just compounded the error with rudeness.
When you take the time to learn another person’s name, you are expressing a sincere interest in that individual that will be warmly received. Conversely,
if you get lazy because a person has a difficult name, you are sending a message that it’s not worth your trouble to learn his name.
learning names is part of hosting the conversation.
host is responsible for making introductions as new individuals enter the conversation.
do not shorten it to a nickname without permission!
When you use another person’s name sincerely in a conversation, it makes that person feel special.
They are in the same spot you were before you decided to improve your skills.
but some of the statements are accompanied by questions you can ask to keep the ball rolling.
you are interested in how I lost sixty-five pounds or how I started my business or anything else about me, I feel special.
The more interest you show in me, the more interesting you become to me. The simple act of truly being interested in the other person has an amazing effect on the conversation—it just snowballs!
the risk to be the first to say hello.
people make the huge mistake of assuming they will have nothing in common with another person.
Your mission is to get your conversation partners talking about themselves.
Most people enjoy the opportunity to share their stories, and if you give them the chance, they’ll start talking.
By asking open-ended questions, you offer your conversation partner the opportunity to disclose as much or as little as she wants.
Such questions are effective with coworkers, kids, neighbors, in-laws, industry colleagues, friends, and
when first making the acquaintance of a stranger.
using open-ended questions is choosing the right question and then following up wit...
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Asking a difficult question could put the other person in an awkward position.
“The biggest block to personal conversation is one man’s inability to listen intelligently, understandingly, and skillfully to another person.”
Even ordinary people have extraordinary things happen to them that make for excellent conversation.
First, disclose information about yourself that is comfortable and uncontroversial. Lead with easy, positive, and light information.
Building trust and intimacy over time creates friendships.
The power in a sincere compliment is enormous. There is nothing that makes people feel more special than to have their finer traits noted and appreciated.
rewards is to start conversations with a minimum of three new people a week. In
When you prepare to depart a conversation, recall why you originally connected with your conversation partner and bring the conversation back to that topic.
Doing so will allow you to make a meaningful connection and then take your leave easily.
You can invoke your partner’s help in exiting by getting a referral or asking for business. For instance, you’ve been talking to Shelly
Don’t invent a problem just to end a conversation. Mentally check your agenda and ask for a referral to someone connected to forwarding your goals.
Remember to end the conversation the same way you began it—with a smile and a handshake. Even if you have to get up and walk around the table to do this, make sure you do.
