The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills -- and Leave a Positive Impression!

by Debra Fine

People who excel at small talk are experts at making others feel included, valued, and comfortable. And that goes a long way toward furthering a business relationship, closing a deal, opening the door for romance, or making a friend.

Strangers have the potential to become good friends, long-term clients, valued associates, and bridges to new experiences and other people. Start thinking of strangers as people who can bring new dimensions to your life, not as persons to be feared.

It had never occurred to me that shyness could be mistaken for arrogance. While shyness and arrogance are worlds apart, the visible manifestation of each can appear the same. People generally do not give others the benefit of the doubt in this regard. Don’t risk being taken as haughty or pretentious by keeping silent; it can cost you dearly.

Tell me about the best vacation you’ve ever taken.

What one thing would you really like to own? Why?

Tell me about a movie/book you’ve seen or read more than once.

Tell me about your family.

Tell me something most people would never guess about you.

Make it a point to remember the other person’s name; learning and using names is probably the single most important rule of good conversation, so stay focused during the introduction. Repeat the name back in your greeting. Nice to meet you, Debra.

Starting with a Statement • What a beautiful day. What’s your favorite season of the year? • I was truly touched by that movie. How did you like it? Why? • This is a wonderful restaurant. What is your favorite restaurant? Why? • What a great conference! Tell me about the sessions you attended.

You ask, How have you been? and get the reply, Busy. Follow-up responses could include: How do you deal with being busy? What is going on that’s got you so busy? Describe a busy day for you. Do you like being busy? Does there seem to be a cycle of busy-ness during your year? Do you remember a time in your life when you weren’t as busy?

An excellent, top-of-the-line compliment goes beyond that to give conversation material by expounding on why you like the item. For instance, you might elaborate on the sweater by saying, I love your sweater. That shade really enhances the color of your eyes.

Other behavioral compliments include comments like: • I appreciate how organized you are for our meetings. It makes it easy to get the work done.

I don’t want to monopolize your time this evening. Can we arrange to meet later?

I’ve never attended one of these events before. What’s your experience with this organization?