Crave Part 1

by Shae Sanders

I love this opening statement because it gives the reader and idea of what they are in store for. I don't believe it is neccessary but it is a nice touch.

The official uniform of men who have every intention of ruining your life. And credit. And walls.

“Losing love is hard, it feels like a death. I need a resurrection, I can’t save myself…

“That lesson was a blessing, because now I know. Love never hurts, it heals, it soothes, it makes you grow…”

“But then, the sun rose again, and it was you…”

They say sex is spiritual. That any time you sleep with someone, your souls are inextricably tied together for life. Thanks to my field of study, I was intimately acquainted with such theories which, let’s face it, are at least partly designed to prevent women from having and enjoying premarital sex. But even though I knew the truth intellectually, that sex is normal and natural and healthy, even; the mental conditioning I’d received most of my life was still hard to shake. My guardians had me in the pew every Sunday and I learned what all church girls learn…sex is for your husband only.

“Most people say they’re monogamous. Again, because that’s what y’all were raised to believe. My generation was raised by the internet and each other. We believe nothing and everything at the same damn time.”

Angelo kissed like he lived…with arrogant confidence, essentially taking over and dominating. Jamal kissed with urgency like he wanted to rip my clothes off. And G? Slow and deep like he was making love to my mouth.

“I know you want it just as much as I do…”

I knew then that there was no way in hell he didn’t eat pussy. Shit, he probably practiced twice a day like an Olympic athlete. I wished I had a medal to drape around his neck.

“…how could it not be love when it feels like this,”

It was a plea, an affirmation, and a thank you all rolled into one.

I’ve never been one of those men who grumble about not getting enough sex. The jokes about how you’re only supposed to get married when you’re ready to give up getting pussy never really landed for me. I’m not an animal; I can hear the word ‘no’ and not take it as a personal affront or a threat to my manhood. Sometimes my wife was tired. Sometimes she had a headache for real. And sometimes she just didn’t wanna fuck. I could handle that just fine. My goal has always been to make her life easy no matter how I felt.

stress wasn’t her real killer.

“Y’all let white girls get away with murder.”

“What I mean is, I know all women get judged on the basis of their womanhood but when you break it down and account for race, black girls don’t get nearly as much leeway to be hoes. And I guess I’m just worried that doing all this hoe shit with the guys will change the way they look at me. And the way you look at me. And society. I think I branded myself with a scarlet letter.”

One day someone is there, the next day, they're out of your life. And unlike death, that loss isn't permanent. You know that person is out there but they're just out of your reach.

Sometimes you really do need to shut the entire fuck up. Don’t even pretend otherwise.”

When a black woman says first of all, you already know whatever’s coming next ain’t gonna be good.