You've Reached Sam (You've Reached Sam, #1)

by Dustin Thao

“Julie … if I could stay with you, I’d never leave.” “But you did leave.” “I know … I’m sorry.” “You never said good-bye…” “That’s because I never thought I had to…”

I really need to focus again, and pull myself together, because what else am I supposed to do? The world keeps moving, no matter what happens to you.

“I know this doesn’t really make sense right now. But, maybe we don’t need to complicate it with questions we don’t know the answers to. Maybe we can just enjoy this chance for what it is. For as long as we have it.”

“Use your time at the store. Talk with the books for inspiration. They’re full of ideas.”

“We have too many voices inside our heads. You have to pick out the ones that mean something to you. What story do you want to tell?”

“Or maybe I wanted to pick up, and make sure you were okay,” Sam says. “Is that so hard to believe?”

I always told him this place wasn’t big enough for him. He told me the same thing.

I should prepare myself for a world where nobody is on your side or willing to help you out even when it costs them nothing at all.

He could always read my voice. It was one of the things I loved most about him. I could never hide what I was feeling.

There are so many moments I wish I could relive again. Especially the smaller ones. The quieter ones that we often don’t think about. Those are the moments I look back and miss the most.

“I wish you were here,” I say. “I wish you were lying right next to me. I wish I could look over and see you smiling back. I wish I could run a hand through your hair, and know you’re real. I wish we could finish school and graduate together. So we can finally leave this place like we always planned, and find an apartment somewhere, and figure out the rest of our lives together so I don’t have to do it alone. I wish you were alive again … and I wish I had picked up the phone that night, so that all this would be different, and everything would go back to before…”

“She said that, sometimes, dreams mean the opposite of what they show us. That we shouldn’t understand them exactly as they are. It can mean something in our life is out of balance. Or maybe we’re holding in too much. Especially when we lose someone, dreams show us the opposite of what it is we need to find balance again.”

I should have kept these plans private. So I wouldn’t need to explain myself when I’m forced to change them.

Letting go isn’t about forgetting. It’s balancing moving forward with life, and looking back from time to time, remembering the people in it.”

it’s as though I no longer have a say in the matter. Like things are being decided for me. I’m not used to this feeling. I like the idea of making plans, looking ahead, and seeing what’s in front of me. But every time I do, life seems to get derailed. Sam always told me to be more spontaneous and let things be a surprise. He never warned me that surprises are not always good things. That’s something I had to learn on my own.

“Sometimes I wish I could skip a few years into the future to see where I end up. So I don’t waste all this time planning things out, only to have none of it go right.”

You are my entire world, Julie. And one day, maybe I’ll only be a small piece of yours. I hope you keep that piece.”