Acts of Desperation

by Megan Nolan

Sometimes I thought about people like Lisa – people who never lost control of themselves, who never had too much of anything, who were never awake after one a.m. – with something like disdain. I valued what I thought of as my free nature, my willingness to do whatever I wanted at all times, my ability to be led by whatever base physical urge was singing to me in each moment.

Life was so pointless, so opaque and shifting, that I could only think about immediate feelings. Immediacy was all I had.

I resent the fact that you can take pleasure from me.