Acts of Desperation

by Megan Nolan

I was sad I wasn’t able to learn to be happier, more regular and peaceful, because it meant he would never have that peace for himself, which he of all people deserved and had waited for. It was painful that he loved me so much and wanted things for me I knew I would never have and never deserve. I owed him so much and I would never repay it. I wished I could somehow make him understand this so he could give up on me. I kissed him on the cheek and said, ‘I know, Dad. Love you, I’ll ring you from Dublin,’ and left the car quickly before we could hurt each other any more.