I was gripped by a sudden awareness of how terribly alone I was. My father was one of the few anchors I had to myself. When I didn’t know who I was at a given moment I could think of him and count the years back to the start. When I didn’t know who I was I could at least think of him and say, I am his. Without him, would I be forced to be this new person, this Ciaran’s-person for the rest of my life? What would hold me down any more, what would make me real? I felt that I would simply float away, that there would be nothing left of the thing I called Me before Ciaran.
