Acts of Desperation

by Megan Nolan

‘Did I do something?’ I asked a few minutes later, after he had begun to read. ‘What are you talking about?’ ‘You seem upset with me.’ ‘I’m not upset with you.’ He kept his eyes on the book. ‘I’m not anything with you.’ ‘Why aren’t you talking to me?’ ‘Why do I have to be talking to you? I don’t have to be talking to you to not be upset with you. Do I have to talk to you all fucking day and night? We live together, I’m here all the time, I can’t talk for all of it just to keep you amused. Christ, it’s like living with a toddler sometimes.’ I nodded, knowing that it was. I started to cry. ‘I’m sorry, Ciaran. I’m really sorry.’ ‘What are you crying about? This is insane, you know that, right? You’re making yourself cry right now, about absolutely nothing. You’re crying about the absence of me being upset with you.’ ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know. Just – please, can you please, please—’ And because I didn’t know what the end of the sentence was, what I was pleading for, it just kept going, I kept asking, and asking, and asking.