How To Be Dead #1-3 (The 'How To Be Dead' Grim Reaper)

by Dave Turner

'Every time you tell a lie an angel punches a unicorn in the face with a kitten.'

'Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last very long if you're morbidly obese.'

'All I know,' said Gary, arms outstretched, 'is that God is dead and I am an insignificant speck in an uncaring universe. But there's cheesecake. So, y'know, swings and roundabouts. Cheese and cake. You have to admit, as a concept it's faultless.'

Some memories, though, bubbled to the surface like farts in a bath.

I once had a chat with Einstein. Apparently the theory of relativity is nothing to do with time running slower the closer you get to your relatives.'

'Death accepts no responsibility or liability for any loss, injury, embarrassing family encounters or changes to documented historical fact. This liability includes, but is not limited to, becoming your own father and/or mother, the rise of Hitler or the inexplicable success of Coldplay.'