How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

by Katy Milkman

Chapter Takeaways Self-doubt can keep you from making progress on your goals or prevent you from setting goals in the first place. Giving people unsolicited advice can undermine their confidence. But asking them to give advice builds confidence and helps them think through strategies for achieving their goals. Giving advice can also help us act, because it can feel hypocritical not to do the things we advise other people to do. Consider forming advice clubs with friends or colleagues attempting to achieve similar goals or consider becoming a mentor to someone. By giving (solicited) feedback to others, you can boost your confidence and unearth helpful ideas for making progress in your own life. Your expectations shape your reality. So, convey to people that you believe in their potential, and surround yourself with mentors who send those same positive signals to you. Set ambitious goals (say, exercising every day) but allow yourself a limited number of emergency passes when you slip up (say, two per week). That strategy can help you stay confident and on track even when you face the occasional, inevitable setback. Adopting a “growth mind-set”—recognizing that abilities, including intelligence, are not fixed and that effort influences a person’s potential—can help you bounce back from setbacks. You can also teach other people to adopt a growth mind-set. Focus on personal experiences that make you feel successful or proud. This kind of self-affirmation makes you more resilien...