How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

by Katy Milkman

Chapter Takeaways When you’re facing self-doubt or uncertainty about how to proceed, a powerful way the people around you can help boost your capacity and confidence is by showing you what’s possible. Your decisions are heavily influenced by the norms in your peer group, so it’s important to be in good company when you hope to achieve big goals, and it can be harmful to have peers who are low achievers. Just describing what behavior is typical (assuming it’s a desirable behavior) can be an effective way to help other people change their behaviors for the better. The closer you are to someone, and the more their situation resembles your own, the more likely you are to be influenced by their behavior. Although some peer influence will rub off on you effortlessly, you can supercharge positive peer effects deliberately. Do this by watching peers who have managed to achieve whatever goal you hope to achieve and then copying and pasting their methods. Because you care about gaining peer approval, feeling watched by groups of other people changes your behavior. To use peer visibility to promote change without creating blowback, rather than publicly shaming people for undesirable behavior, give them the chance to earn public praise (or opt out). If a behavior is merely growing in popularity, rather than an existing norm, sharing information about that upward trend can change others’ behavior. If the achievements of your peers feel vastly out of reach, witnessing or learning about ...