There's No Such Thing as an Easy Job

by Kikuko Tsumura

I know, I know. This was the train of thought of a person with far too much time on their hands. But guess what: with this job, I did have too much time on my hands.

I’d left my last job because it sucked up every scrap of energy I had until there was not a shred left, but at the same time, I sensed that hanging around doing nothing forever probably wasn’t the answer either.

I didn’t want to have any more feelings about my work than were strictly necessary. I was done with all that.

I’d previously been worried that I wouldn’t ever be able to come up with any good ideas, but gradually I was coming around to a different mindset: if you fired off enough ideas, you were bound to eventually hit upon a winner. The key was to keep churning them out.

After having to leave my old job because of burnout syndrome, I was rationally aware that it wasn’t a good idea to get too emotionally involved in what I was doing, but it was also difficult to prevent myself from taking satisfaction in it. Truthfully, I was happy when people took pleasure in my work, and it made me want to try harder.

Working makes you irritable, but it doesn’t make you meaner. Mean people are mean even when they aren’t working.

‘Which is more important, I wonder – not to be lonely, or to live the life you’ve chosen for yourself?’

I was glad I was getting on a bit in age, that was for sure. I knew full well that if I’d been twenty-three or so, he might have got a hold on me. But unfortunately for him, I’d interacted with several of his sort in my old job – the kinds of people who wormed their way into the cracks in people’s psyches, then poked their little needles in to create punctures. Their modus operandi was generally either to suddenly withdraw their support when it was most needed, or else to rely on people’s desire for information they happened to possess.

Listen, pal, I addressed the young man in my mind, if I want help, I’ll consult a professional or someone I trust, not a stranger who tries to fabricate weakness in others for themselves to inhabit.

Whoever you were, there was a chance that you would end up wanting to run away from a job you had once believed in, that you would stray from the path you were on.

‘I think because I’d got so much joy from it, the sense of powerlessness really tortured me, you know?’ Mr Sugai said. ‘I didn’t even need words of thanks, it was enough to see the faces of those people which had been so overtaken by worry break into a smile before they left the building. It was the difficulty of the work which meant we had such a sense of unity, and we had the trust of other sections, but I started to feel so incredibly exhausted I didn’t know what to do with myself.

There are pitfalls like that everywhere, lying in wait to trip you up. The more feeling you put into your work or whatever it is you’re devoting yourself to, the more of them there are.

‘Accepting those ups and downs, choosing to take on difficult jobs – that’s what life is about. That was the conclusion I came to.’

The time had come to embrace the ups and downs again. I had no way of knowing what pitfalls might be lying in wait for me, but what I’d discovered by doing five jobs in such a short span of time was this: the same was true of everything. You never knew what was going to happen, whatever you did. You just had to give it your all, and hope for the best. Hope like anything it would turn out alright.