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I watch the whole thing, because death deserves a witness. Even a bird should have that.
The Murderer has made me into a murderer too.
(I don’t recall names but I have my ways of judging and remembering people. The first one is: would they be kind to my cat?
I judge people two ways—on how they treat animals, and on what they like to eat. If their favorite food is some kind of salad, they are definitely a bad person. Anything with cheese, they are probably OK.
His feelings flooded into me. It was painful but I could take it. Cats don’t hold onto things.
Breaking me, then mending me, over and over—that was my mother.
The young feel pain intensely, I think, because they don’t know yet how deep it can go.
People have eyes to look and ears to listen, and women look and listen more carefully than men.
There is something manic in its stillness.
He saw me for who I was. That I was dangerous.
I try to find the thread of that day. I am almost panting with frustration. There was something important about it.
My brain was lit up with shame and excitement both. Poor Snowball. But I had found a deep and secret thing.
It had become a god.
Yours is an old sickness, which has been in our family for a long time. My father—your grandfather—had it.
I find that it is a relief. I no longer need to think of you as my son. No longer must I search my heart for a love that I cannot feel.”
“He calls me kitten when I’m good—does that mean I’m a cat?” I shudder and my tail lashes. He calls me kitten, I say.
“You made sure we survived,” Lauren says. Warmth spreads throughout my mind. “I’m hugging you. Can you feel it?”
Why is there never anyone else waiting here?
“It’s not only for us, Olivia,” Lauren says. “It’s for him. Do you think he wants to be like this? Do you think he’s happy, being a monster? He’s a prisoner too. You have to help him, cat. Help him one last time.”
“We take his pain. You take it from his heart, I take it from the body.”
The cold blue rug I had always hated was orange down here,
I went to the inside house when I needed comfort. Olivia with her little feet and her curious tail was always waiting. Olivia didn’t know anything about the world outside.
