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Sliding into the bed, I curled my body around hers, wrapping my arm around her. Just for tonight. Just because of how close I’d come to losing her. Just because I couldn’t help myself.
He hated the attention. It made him want to go full turtle and crawl inside his shell. I loved it. I loved watching him get the attention he deserved after the amount of work he put in on the field. I loved how he got so nervous in front of everyone, even though when we walked back with our ice cream, he’d remember every question they’d asked and how great it felt to sign an autograph or two. He felt like he didn’t belong in the limelight, but he did. He was the best person I knew. Too bad he didn’t feel even half of what I felt for him.
LJ had a bad case of white knight syndrome. He was always the first to try to swoop in and save someone.
“I love her.” He squeezed the back of his neck, shaking his head. “Will you still love her in a year? In two years?” “I’ve loved her since we were fifteen. It’s never going away.”
Sometimes it felt like I could disappear and no one would really care. It felt like I was a temporary fixture in someone’s life until they moved on. But with LJ I felt like I mattered—always.
“And you’d be fine with me going?” “Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like I’m not going to be busy. A new season. A new team. A new city. Who the hell knows where I’ll end up? We probably wouldn’t get to see each other much anyway.” She slid off the bed and kept her back to me. “You’re right. It was stupid to second guess it. It’s an amazing opportunity”
After graduation we were supposed to have all the time in the world. After graduation we were supposed to finally have our chance. But after graduation she was running to Europe and ready to say goodbye.
If he thought dessert, drinks and distractions would keep me from finding out why he was fumbling his last season, he’d clearly taken one too many hits in practice.
They’d been dating for over a year. And he was pissed about me not telling him about the fire when he’d been dating Nora over here since last October. Had he taken her kids costume shopping last Halloween too? I’d been a ghost or a face-painted zombie for most Halloweens growing up.
“You’re a virgin?” When she said the word, it sounded like it was in a foreign language she’d never learned. She shot up, the blanket falling off her body. “Are you fucking serious?” My face heated with embarrassment, like someone had shoved my mouth full of candles and lit the wicks. “Why not scream it from the rooftops? And not anymore.”
“Me too,” she whispered. It barely made it over the pounding of my heart trying to escape up my throat. “You too, what?” She peeked at me before dropping her gaze again, licking those full lips that I needed to taste again. “I—I’m a virgin too. Well, I was…” Her lips twitched.
I’d wished and prayed I could have a family just like theirs someday.
“What the fuck?” I stared at the empty steps. “What did I say wrong?” Berk wiped at his chest and dropped a hand onto my shoulder. “Maybe she’s afraid that’s the only reason you’re still hanging around. Or like she’s an insurance policy in case your dad gets sick again.”
“I love you, Marisa.” This wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but this time it felt different. It felt heart-stoppingly, soul-scorchingly different.
It was time for me to tell her this wasn’t junior high and high school love. This was a crazy, can’t-imagine-my-life-without-her kind of love.
All the ideas about what happened after graduation had been mine. She’d been focused on right now. But I needed her to know we weren’t over after graduation. What if her plans with me ended when we walked across that stage?
I couldn’t make us work if she didn’t believe in us—in me. I couldn’t make her stop running. I couldn’t make her love me like I loved her.
He’d been the one person I could turn to no matter what. The one person who’d never let me down. The one person who’d lied to protect me when all it did was hurt him. He’d proven himself time and time again, but at even a hint of trouble, I’d run. No, I’d pushed him away. He’d been right about me, but I wasn’t going to be that person anymore. All I could hope was it wasn’t too late to show him how much I loved him and salvage our relationship.
Even hearing that my dad’s results had all come back negative and he could now switch to annual visits instead of every six months hadn’t lifted my spirits like it should have. There was a Marisa-sized hole in my life, and I hated it.
“I love you, LJ. With everything I have, I love you, and even though I’m scared out of my mind, I want to be with you.”
