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“Hey, Lauren, look what I have for you!” Trish, another waitress, shouts, holding up a Long Island Iced Tea and showcasing it to me. “What’s that?” I ask. “Compliments of a gentleman from VIP.” She grins, handing the glass to me.
My adult theory: The Prince Charming myth is the other curse God created to punish Eve and every other woman for biting that stupid apple.
“I was actually coming to get a closer view of the woman I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of since she walked in.” He looks directly into my eyes with a smile that could melt the Arctic.
“She’s Lauren,” I can’t help but whisper. Wait, that wasn’t right. Wake up, genius! “I mean, I’m Lauren.” I laugh, hoping the music covers my ridiculous answer and that I won’t drop dead of embarrassment right here.
“I’m Cal,” he replies.
He can make me feel wanted and be so in tune with me physically, but his mind will still be miles away in an emotional desert. He didn’t used to be like this. I can’t pinpoint when he changed, but somewhere along the line, he started to grow resentful toward me, or maybe toward our marriage.
“Well. Mr. Scott, I tend to feel a tad bit more comfortable when I know where I’m going with a stranger. Even one as tall and handsome as you,” I tell him honestly. He turns around and looks over at me, amused. “You think I’m trouble, don’t you, Lauren?”
Sometimes, I want to go back to that first minute I saw him and scream to myself, “Run the other way!”
“I’m so sick of your shit, Cal. I don’t give a shit when you get home, because I won’t be here.” And I extend the same courtesy to him as he’s shown me. I hang up.
I’ve been with Cal so long that I can’t remember what it’s like being without him. I’ve wrapped myself up in him, something no woman should do with any man.
“I’ve never wanted anything more than our marriage, Lauren. You’re the one thing that belongs to me. The only pure thing I have is us. I used to have a different reason for being. It came from a dark place. My motivation changed when I fell in love with you. You’re my strength and my weakness. You’re the reason I fight to be here.”
“You’re never satisfied. Every single day, it’s something. When I’m not here, I’m a jerk who doesn’t spend time with you, but when I am here, it’s not for long enough, and when I’m here long enough, I’m not telling you every fucking detail on my mind?” he snarls as he finishes tying his shoes.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to fix it, because next time you tell me to leave, I’m not coming back,” he whispers coldly in my ear.
There are going to be times when you won’t know what his problem is, but for there to be any hope of you two having a meaningful relationship, you’re going to have to accept him for who he is—all of him—even the part that you may never know…”
“Lauren, I don’t really know what’s going on between you two to take anyone’s side. But you’re my niece, and I love you. I care about Cal very much, but if he’s making you feel like this, I can’t stick up for him. You come first. In the end, I’m going to support you, right or wrong. But I don’t see you being wrong on this.”
I wonder why people take a chance on falling in love. If I could go back through time, would I change the things I’ve done?
Someone once told me that when you’re in love, your heart takes over and your brain shuts off.
“Don’t give up on me.” His words are quiet, barely over a whisper, and as quickly as they’re said, they’re gone. I wonder if I imagined them. I close my eyes and know that soon this night will only be a memory within a nightmare I want to forget. Now it’s only a dream. Still, I give him my heart and let him take it with him.
“Do you remember the first night I danced with you?” he asks, pulling me back in his arms. “Yeah, I remember what that led to.” I giggle as I wrap my arms around his neck, and we sway to the music. He looks into my eyes. “I told you I’d give you everything.” “You were trying to get me into bed,” I remind him with a sly grin. “That’s beside the point.”
“I tried to talk myself out of doing this more times than you’d believe. And that’s just today. I know you’re graduating next month and moving on to a different phase of your life.” He takes the ring and slides it on my finger. The ring is a perfect fit. “I don’t want to be a part of your past. I want to be the only person to touch you in ways that give you chills, to whisper things that make you turn red. I know there are a lot of things that you want to know about me that I haven’t been exactly open with you about. But know that I love you; I’ve been in love with you longer than I’ve
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“You always tell me I need to work on asking for things.” He gets down on one knee. His eyes are bright and his expression soft. I’m trembling, and he takes my waist and pulls me onto his bended knee. “I want you to—I mean… will you marry me?”
The day after he left me was one of the longest, hardest days of my entire life. It seemed as if it would never end. The hours passed like days, and there was nothing I could do to make it go faster. I knew when I woke he wouldn’t be here, but still I hoped when I opened my eyes, he’d be lying beside me. He wasn’t; he was gone. He didn’t take anything with him. The house looks as if he never left.
“I’ve never wanted anything more than our marriage, Lauren. You’re the one thing that belongs to me. The only pure thing I have is us. I used to have a different reason for being. It came from a dark place. My motivation changed when I fell in love with you. You’re my strength and my weakness. You’re the reason I fight to be here,” he says.
“Shh, no crying, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t cry, and you’re just like Daddy.” The voice through the monitor sends chills through my body. I hear the crying stop.
“I’ve missed you. No one could keep me from seeing you today.”
“I’ve missed your mom too. I just don’t want to complicate things, and I don’t want to hurt her anymore,” he says. Tears start to pour down my cheeks.
He stands up beside her. “We know who you are. You’re Cal’s wife.” He sighs, folding his arms.
“The person you saw earlier wasn’t Cal,” her husband tells me.
“Chris and Cal share the same body, but the person you met today is Chris, not Cal,” Mrs. Scott explains cautiously. “That’s the reason he reacted the way he did. He truly doesn’t know who you are.” Holding my hand, she searches my eyes for some kind of reaction to this information. “Cal is a separate personality from Chris.”
“Are you trying to tell me that Cal has… that he has multiple personalities?” I ask in disbelief. Are they kidding? “Chris does. Cal is the personality that Chris forged. It isn’t the other way around. Cal isn’t real,” Mr. Scott explains.
“We’re telling you the truth. Chris doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t know what Cal does,” Mrs. Scott tells me with a pleading expression.
“So I married a personality, not a person—a persona.” I continue to laugh through my tear-blurred eyes.
“We have no reason to lie to you! Our son is back home! Chris is back, Cal is gone, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it stays that way!” he tells me coldly.
“You’re all I want.” His tone is low as he rests his head on mine. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Without you, I’m nothing,” he whispers in my ear.
“You don’t. You don’t pretend that the past didn’t happen, but you don’t dwell on it. You accept the past, but you don’t live there anymore.”
“Chris?” I say hesitantly, making my way to the doorway. “You scared the hell out of me!” One hand covers my pounding heart as I make my way toward him
grin appears on his face, and I know. “Close, but not quite right,” he says, seemingly winded but with a familiar grin. When we’re face-to-face, I’m able to separate my tongue from the roof of my mouth. “Cal?”
“So it’s that easy, huh?” His voice stops me cold. The moonlight from the window highlights his gray eyes. I try to move, but I can’t. “So you’re giving up on me—on us. Just like that?”
“You’re going to pack me away and pretend I never existed?” he roars and kicks the box over. The sound is so loud, it echoes through the entire house. “What about us, Lauren? What about our family?”
time. It’s the third dream I’ve had this week about Cal. Each one was slightly different, but I notice a few things stay consistent. He’s always dressed entirely in black, his eyes are gray, and I can barely speak. He’s also furious with me for not fighting for us. Whatever that means?
“Thank you, Lauren.” His voice and eyes are full of sorrow, sincerity, and concern. And for the first time in my life, I’m able to read the face looking at me. There’s nothing hiding the emotions there, nothing trying to camouflage them. “Hey, gorgeous,” he says to her. In the briefest second, he turns toward me, his smile familiar, and he winks at me. My breath hitches. And as fast as the moment happened—before I can verify it even did happen—it’s gone.
He’s staring at me and… it’s still Chris, but I know for a second it wasn’t. He was here—Cal. I move closer to him.
Everything will be okay. I’ll make sure it stays that way. I have to… …even if I break.
