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“Well, I sure as hell didn’t marry you for your cooking skills,” he retorts playfully,
“Shut up,” he says, his grip on my wrists tighter than before.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, honey!” Raven screeches.
The door quickly shuts, and Cal sets me down. Seconds later he bursts into laughter. I punch him multiple times. “I told you we shouldn’t have been in here!” I scold him angrily as he pulls up his boxers.
He pulls me into a forced hug. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m sure Raven has had a little pantry action before.” He chuckles, and I push him away. “Ewww.” I shudder and hit him again. “What? Raven’s hot!”
I snuggle in beside him. I inhale his scent. After all these years, I still can’t believe how good he smells all the time. He adjusts his position to let me climb up beside him.
I reach for the remote resting on his chest, but he grabs it. “You’re sleeping,” I whine. “But I’m still listening to it,” he retorts, his eyes still closed. “You’re so selfish,” I pout, snuggling closer and enjoying his warmth. “No, you were just too chicken to come downstairs first.”
“You just can’t, okay! You’re wasting my time making me do this with you!” he shouts. “Just… just go in the house.” I burst into tears, and he shakes his head. “Please!” he says,
realize our time here was just a bandage on an open wound that’s not even close to healing.
“I-I don’t think it will.” “I knew something was wrong when I first saw you. I was hoping it wasn’t this.” She pulls
“What’s in the dark, will always come to light.”
“I’m not doing this with you tonight. If you want to fight, stay out here and argue with yourself,” he says disdainfully.
too. MAY 10TH, 2011 I’m awake. It’s early, and I haven’t slept much at all. What happened last night consumes my thoughts, plus Cal was constantly tossing and turning in the full-size bed that was comfortable to me as a teenager, but now feels cramped for a woman and her six-foot husband. Even if he’d been still, I doubt I could have slept. A million thoughts have been running through my mind. I keep going over all of the things I’ve accepted, all of the times I’ve forgiven, that I’ve caved despite my better judgment. I glance at him, and he seems to finally be still, resting. I double-check
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“Here we fucking go,” he says irately, slamming his phone on the bed.
“You’re never satisfied. Every single day, it’s something. When I’m not here, I’m a jerk who doesn’t spend time with you, but when I am here, it’s not for long enough, and when I’m here long enough, I’m not telling you every fucking detail
I’m not cheating on you. There is no other woman, and that’s all you need to know!”
and I can’t deal with the fact that the man I’ve been so in love with, that I’ve compromised myself for, doesn’t love me enough to trust me.
“Get out, Cal,” I whisper. “What?” he asks as if he didn’t hear me. “Get the hell out,” I growl. “You’re kidding.” He lets out a light laugh. That sends me over the edge. “Get out now! I can’t even look at you anymore!” I yell so loud that I surprise myself. “Lauren, what the fuck is your problem?” he shouts back. “Cal, I swear to God, if you don’t leave right now—” He looks at me as if I’m speaking a different language, and I hear a knock at the door.
“Is it, Lauren?” His tone sounds dangerously like an ultimatum, but today is the wrong day for him to go there with me. “It will be when you leave,” I say, looking him straight in the eye.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to fix it, because next time you tell me to leave, I’m not coming back,” he whispers coldly in my ear. “If it’s that simple for you, maybe you shouldn’t.” I hold the keys out and drop them.
Sometimes you forget about yourself when you’ve been with another person for so long.”
“Like I said, mi casa, su casa.”
“Umm, she’s not here, Mrs. Scott—I mean Brooks,” she bumbles. After a moment she laughs. “She says she knows you’re here, and she really needs to talk to you.”
“Not pathetic, just in love.” She giggles, leaning her head on mine. “I think being in love makes you really stupid.” “No question about it.” She laughs.
Someone once told me that when you’re in love, your heart takes over and your brain shuts off.
“I’m going to make sure that you’re taken care of. I put ninety thousand in your personal account—” “What? You don’t know if you’ll be back?”
“I don’t care about the fucking money! I never cared about any of this—the trips, this house—I never needed this! All I wanted”—I’m screaming now—“all I ever wanted was you. Can’t you see that?”
“Leave.” I push him. “I hate you! I hate you, you fucking bastard!” I hit his chest furiously—I’m a hysterical, sobbing mess—and he stands there and takes it, not even trying to stop me. He looks drained too, and I hate him for it.
“That’s what you wanted, right?” he asks in a sardonic tone. He’s fully dressed again. “What are you talking about?” I say, rubbing my temples, not wanting to look at him. “To get off. That’s what you wanted from me. A last good fuck, right?” he snarls, grabbing his keys from the nightstand.
“Yeah. You wanted me to fuck you, but you couldn’t even look at me.” He laughs cuttingly, his hand resting on the back of his head. I open my mouth to respond, but I have no valid comeback. “What do you want from me, Cal? What? You’re the one leaving. What do you want me to do?
“Don’t give up on me.” His words are quiet, barely over a whisper, and as quickly as they’re said, they’re gone.
“But since you’ve come back, you’ve been like a zombie. You don’t say much, which is fine. I can understand that you may not feel up to talking about how you’re feeling. But whenever I’m home, all you do is sleep. You’re not just napping, Lauren—you’re, like, in REM when I leave and when I get home.”
Cal left me. That is why I’ve been crying,” I say, my voice rising. I bite my lip, begging my eyes to stop watering. “I sleep so I won’t have to think about him being gone. I miss him, and I want him back. As screwed up as our relationship was, I want him back. I love him.”
“Maybe I should have said bad news,” she says, covering her forehead. “I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry!”
I plaster on a big smile and lean closer to her. “My husband walked out on me last week, and I have no fucking idea where he is. I took a pregnancy test this morning, and you guessed it! Positive! I need a doctor in there to tell me that the test was wrong and that I don’t have another thing to add to my list of things to worry about. I don’t have any cash with me, but I have these credit cards and a checkbook. I’ll pay anything.” I take out my wallet and put it on the desk.
I’m not crazy, but every minute that passes, I’m inching closer to it. So if you don’t want me to go ballistic in this office and cause more of a scene than I already have, you’ll tell the doctor you have a very desperate woman out here in need of his or her assistance!”
Happy birthday, dear Caylen. Haappy biirthdayy too youoooo,” Hillary sings. The rest of us are doubled over, laughing at her dramatic, horrible, over-the-top singing. “Screw you all. Caylen liked it, didn’t you, honey?” she says, pinching my little girl’s cheeks.
“It’s amazing how much she looks like C—” Helen stops quickly and folds her hands as if she’s a kid who’s said a bad word.
“You know, you can say his name around me. I’m not going to shrivel up and die if you do,” I joke to lessen the tension in the room. “I wasn’t going to say anything,” Helen lies,
I could be dying and Dexter wouldn’t tell me where Cal was if Cal asked him not to.
“Oh, Hillary’s knocked out on your couch. I was supposed to give her a ride home, but you know how cranky she is if you wake her.” Angela laughs.
“Text me when you get in your car safely,” Steven tells her. His big brother instinct is kicking in, and I can’t help but smile. “I will, Dad,” she teases. “Bye, kiddies.” She shuts the door behind her.
“Shh, no crying, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t cry, and you’re just like Daddy.”
“You know Mommy’s not crazy, right?” I ask her. She stretches and waves her little arms, hitting me in the face. I can’t help but laugh.
He frowns, squatting in front of me so we’re at eye level. “Babe, please don’t expect me to remember all of these stupid little milestones, because if you do, you’re going to be pissed at me a lot.”
Now you think you might have heard his voice, and you’re the happiest I’ve seen you in a year. I can’t compete with that.”
“I’m such a bitch. I shouldn’t have told you this way,” Hillary scolds herself. “I just couldn’t stand watching you care for this jerk.”
I swear to God, I’ll walk out of this office and disappear off the face of the earth and you and Cal won’t be able to find me or Caylen ever again, regardless of how much money you have. So you think carefully before you open your mouth to lie to me,” I growl.
“No, Dex! This is beyond being loyal to him. You tell her something, or she won’t be the only one leaving!”
And when I do, I’m coming home with my husband or a divorce.
