Ace of Spades

by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

when girls know what they want and how they’re going to get it, they’re seen as cocky. But guys who know what they want? They’re confident or strong.

I have to stop myself from apologizing – because what would I even be sorry for? Existing too loud?

They say love and hate are the same, just at different ends of the blade.

But the world isn’t ideal, so why poison my mind with thoughts that won’t make a difference?”

It hurts to dream, but I dream regardless.

I think about how nice it is to have someone who doesn’t treat me like a burden. I’d forgotten what that felt like.

I hate that these systems, all this institutional shit, can get to me. I hate how they have the power to kill my future, kill me. They treat my Black skin like a gun or a grenade or a knife that is dangerous and lethal, when really, it’s them. The guys at the top powering everything.

What I felt was a desperation to be powerful in a world that doesn’t let girls be. Especially girls like me.