Right now I feel guilty to be alive. Why? Because I’m wasting it. I’ve been given this life, and all I do is mope it away. What’s worse is, I am totally aware of how ridiculous I am. It would be a lot easier if I believed I was the center of the universe, because then I wouldn’t know any better not to make a big deal out of everything. I know how small my problems are, yet that doesn’t stop me from obsessing about them. I have to stop doing this.
SLOPPY FIRSTS is presented as Jessica Darling’s private journal. She’s unloading all the snarky observations and cringe-worthy confessions she’s unable to share with anyone else—even Hope. There is nothing objective about what we’re reading. It is entirely from Jessica’s myopic 16-year-old point of view and her favorite topic is herself. She is far from perfect and says and does things that were downright painful for me as her creator to put her through. Readers have told me her flaws make her relatable. I agree. But it’s Jessica’s self-awareness—most acutely reflected in this passage—that makes her relentless self-absorption tolerable.
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