The Arrangement (The Arrangement, #1)

by Kiersten Modglin

So, when she suggested we see other people and remain married, my first thought wasn’t of the freedom it would give someone like me. Instead, it was of the options it would give someone like her.

Who was I if not a husband, father, and architect? The truth was, I had no idea. So much of my identity was tied up in who they were, who I was to them.

His brown eyes found mine. “I don’t know, Ainsley… I just can’t help feeling like after tonight…there’s no going back, you know? Up until you walk out that door, we still have a choice, but once it’s done…you can’t take it back.”

With that, I walked out of the room, then out of the house, refusing to let myself question if I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

I knew it wasn’t betrayal. I understood it was agreed upon. But that didn’t make it any less painful. Permission to break my heart didn’t make the ache any less devastating.

She’d gone through with it. She’d slept with someone else. And that changed everything.

I supposed that was what had made me so afraid. I didn’t know when my life had become what it was. It all felt like I’d woken up one morning and looked around at my half-grown children, my stagnant career, and a husband who wanted nothing to do with me, and I realized I had no idea how we’d gotten here.

Back then, I had no idea how much peace I’d have one day all too soon.

For me, cheating on my wife had never been something I planned on. I wasn’t proud of myself for what I’d done. Not that night or any of the nights before. And, to my surprise, it didn’t feel any better now, just because I had permission.

I reread the message. It wasn’t possible. No. No. No. There it was. Why hadn’t I caught it the first time? Have a great weekend, Ainsley. I sucked in a sharp breath, my arms lined with goose bumps as the question rang out in my head: Why had he used my real name?

Everything could’ve gone so much differently, if only I’d been a better man.

People like to pretend they have no control over the way their life turns out, but the truth is that they just refuse to deal with the hard stuff because it’s too painful and messy. You know what’s even more painful and sticky? Prolonging bad situations for your own comfort. No one can solve your problems for you, Peter. No one wants to.”

“I’ve been cheating on you,” I said, a grimace on my face as I lifted my head from my hands. “With Seth.”

“For better or worse. Because your only choice now is to kill me yourself or stay with me forever. I own your secret now, Peter. I own you.”

He was right, I’d fixed us. And I had zero regrets.