A Fatal Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum: Murder in Ancient Rome

by Emma Southon

Sadly, this isn’t a movie; it’s Roman narrative history written by our queen of throwing shade, Tacitus, so all we get is the indirect insinuation that this might have possibly happened, had Piso not bled out on his bedroom floor.

Gaius, being apparently an idiot, pottered over, possibly bearing a gift, and was shocked – shocked! – to discover that it was a trap and there was no tea, only stabbings.

On the other hand, Gaius got Malcolm McDowell to play him in a big budget porn film written by Gore Vidal and Hadrian didn’t, so who’s winning really?

For many, a despotic, capricious, semi-divine supreme leader with an ego like candy floss being washed by a racoon was a real obstacle to a happy life; but Regulus shows us that those people just weren’t sufficiently unscrupulous and devoid of conscience.